Aisa’s feelings [Aisa’s Perspective]

Takanishi Aisa was utterly bewildered.

“Why is that guy in our house…?”

The pounding of my heart was impossible to hide.

“We haven’t even talked at all until just now…!”

Showing up out of the blue like this is way too much of a sneak attack! Mom and Manami totally knew this was coming and kept quiet about it… I’m sure of it.

They were smirking, too.

“Sure, I said it’d be fine if Kouki became my tutor, but still!”

I thought it was a joke! And that guy, of all people, accepting so casually? I never would’ve guessed!

“Ughhh!”

I grab my trusty bear plushie, squeezing it tightly as I flop onto the bed, taking out my frustration.

The more I think about Kouki, the more my head gets all jumbled up, and this weird, foggy feeling creeps in.

Even now, he’s probably in the next room, all cozy with Manami. He didn’t even say a word to me when our eyes met, but he’s totally fine letting Manami hug him.

Not even a single word to me!

“When did things turn out like this…?”

Kouki and I used to play together all the time, just the two of us.

But at some point, Manami started joining in, and before I knew it, she’d stolen him away.

No, that’s probably just my imagination. It wasn’t really like that. Still, it feels like she took him, and that foggy feeling’s been lingering ever since.

That’s why, even now, with him right here in our house, I can’t even talk to him. It’s no wonder we can’t have a conversation when we’re in the same class but barely speak…

“It’s my fault, isn’t it…?”

Kouki’s always been kind, trying to talk to me, but I might’ve pushed him away with my stubbornness. I think. I don’t want to believe it, but… yeah, it feels like that’s what happened.

“Haa…”

But still, lately, he’s the one who’s been avoiding me! Since Manami’s in a different grade, I thought, just for this one year, maybe I could have Kouki all to myself again. That’s what I hoped for…

If I did anything wrong, it was probably just getting nervous and my face freezing up when he talked to me. That’s it, I think. I don’t think I acted that cold toward him.

I didn’t, right? Probably not.

“Still, we’re in the same class, and he’s being so distant. That’s not okay, right?”

I mutter to my worn-out bear plushie, spilling my thoughts.

Deep down, I know it. I know I’m the reason things are like this.

But admitting it feels like everything would come crashing down, so I can’t even muster the courage to talk to him when he’s right here in our house.

“If only I could be a little more… like Manami. Honest and open.”

I know my personality better than anyone. And I know full well that wishing for that is a pipe dream.

But even so, if I could manage it, would he finally turn and look at me properly…?

“Being liked by anyone other than him… it’s pointless.”

Ever since I felt like Manami stole Kouki away, I’ve been trying so hard to get him to notice me again. Thanks to that, or maybe not, I’ve been getting a lot of attention lately. From guys who aren’t Kouki.

“Could it be… I’m not his type?”

No way. I’ve watched him more closely than anyone else.

I’ve worked so hard to get in shape, and my hairstyle’s supposed to be just his type…! My face isn’t something I can change, but it’s not one he’d dislike… I think.

And yet…

“Haa…”

While I’m moping like this, Manami’s probably hogging Kouki all to herself, having the time of her life.

Thinking about it makes me kind of mad. He’s probably eating it up, with Manami clinging to him and him grinning like an idiot.

And Manami, well, she might just be, like, accidentally pressing her chest against him to tease him or something.

“No, that’s probably not true…”

Manami’s probably just genuinely happy that Kouki’s here.

But still…

“If it’s about chests, mine’s bigger than hers…”

I vent these hopeless feelings to my bear, hugging it tightly as I roll around on the bed, same as always.

“I’m so jealous… Manami.”

The bear plushie I’m clinging to is one of the few gifts I still have from him.