For the future [Aisa’s perspective]

The school trip went smoothly, ticking off its schedule without a hitch. I had a ton of fun and made plenty of memories, but nothing topped the bombshell of Aiko’s kiss or Rikako’s confession. And now, here we are.

Yeah, I couldn’t come up with anything bigger to report.

“Ughhh…”

Thinking back now,

that was the perfect chance.

“Why didn’t I realize it back then…!”

I’m kicking myself. Kouki was definitely aware of me, and if I’m honest, we were this close to something more…!

“Ughhhh…”

Back then, I was so overwhelmed with joy at being called out by Kouki that I couldn’t think straight. I was just too happy.

Meeting him alone at night during the school trip was already enough to make my heart race. The fact that Kouki was the one who asked me to meet him made it even more thrilling… and then…

“I want to… you know… so badly…”

There’s this anxiety bubbling up, knowing Aiko and now Rikako have gotten ahead of me.

But at the same time, a small part of me wonders if it’s okay to stay like this a little longer.

I don’t even understand my own feelings.

No, it’s more than that…

“What does Kouki think…?”

There’s no way he doesn’t want it. At least, I don’t think so. That day, I’m sure he called me out with that in mind. If not, I’d be a little frustrated…

But whether Kouki wants to rush into things or take it slow, I just don’t know.

That night, even if he was thinking of me in that way when he called me out, I might’ve made him think I rejected him.

That wasn’t my intention at all, of course…

But that day, Kouki might not have been focused on kissing. Maybe he was just worried about me. Or maybe I got it all wrong, and he only wanted to comfort me…

The more I think about it, the more I feel like I’m spiraling out of control.

“What should I do…?”

Maybe Aiko and Rikako felt this way too.

All these complicated, messy feelings, not knowing what to do, and that’s why they reached out for help like this…

“I should…”

I can’t keep mulling this over on my own anymore.

Relying entirely on Manami won’t cut it, and while Yuuki would probably help in her own way, that’s not enough either.

I open my phone and pull up the messaging app.

I decide to consult Aiko and Rikako, spilling all my tangled feelings to them.

◇

“Wow, Aisa reaching out to us for advice? I’m kinda flattered!”

“But I just started dating recently, so I hope I can actually be helpful…”

The two of them showed up without a single complaint, and we start talking at a family restaurant.

Both of them have kissed already… Just thinking about that makes them seem like they’re on a whole different level, like there’s some huge wall between us. But right now, that makes them feel dependable.

“Alright, so where do we start?”

“Um…”

Aiko takes the lead, as always. She’s so reliable.

I steel myself and throw my question at them directly.

“What’s a kiss like?”

“Pfft!?”

“Rikako!?”

Aiko glances at me while wiping down Rikako, who just choked on her drink.

“You’re really coming out swinging, huh…”

“Sorry…?”

“No, but I get it. You’re clearly super worked up about this, Aisa.”

“Ugh…”

Rikako takes the towel from Aiko, wiping her uniform as she chimes in.

“You totally caught me off guard! But, like, what’s it feel like, huh…”

She thinks for a moment, then says one word.

“Happiness, I guess.”

Now I’m the one nearly choking on my drink. It’s like some kind of sparkly aura is radiating off Rikako.

“Hey, say something!”

“Sorry, sorry! Your happy vibe was just so intense I didn’t know how to react…”

“Wha—”

Rikako’s face flushes bright red at Aiko’s words.

“Well, what about you, Aiko?!”

“Huh!? Well… I was kinda desperate, you know? And Akito-kun’s so smooth every time we kiss, it’s almost annoying, so I end up getting a little competitive and things get… intense…”

Intense…?

My mind starts wandering… What does she mean by intense…?

“Whoa! Aisa, snap out of it! You’re practically steaming!”

Aiko shakes me back to reality.

My face feels hot. I take a sip of the cold drink she hands me to cool off.

“So, um… what’s ‘intense’ mean…?”

Rikako, her face as red as mine, asks Aiko the same question. Aiko’s cheeks start turning pink too…

“Uh, well… it’s like… ugh, never mind! This topic’s over! Let’s get back to Aisa’s issue!”

Aiko cuts it off, unable to take it anymore. I’m a little curious about this “intense” kissing, but…

“Look, Aisa, your question’s probably about whether you want to kiss or what happens after, right? Let’s focus on that.”

“Agh…”

Aiko’s bluntness makes me blush.

“But, like, seeing your reaction, I feel like you don’t need to rush. Kouki-kun doesn’t seem like the type to push things either.”

Rikako says.

“Yeah, exactly. For me, it’s like… I feel this need to keep him tied down, or I get anxious. But you and Kouki don’t seem to need that…”

Aiko adds.

I can’t say I don’t feel that way at all. But…

“Kouki and I have known each other forever, so if things stay like this, I sometimes wonder if we’re really dating or just stuck as childhood friends. I’m not confident…”

“If Kouki-kun saw you stressing out like this, I bet he’d be thrilled just knowing you care this much.”

“I agree. Honestly, I’m kinda jealous of how far along you two are already.”

“Huh?”

Aiko’s unexpected words catch me off guard.

Rikako nods in agreement.

“Totally get it. I mean, childhood friends and your parents approve? You’ve even bathed together, right?”

“Well, that was a long time ago… but yeah, even if we can’t recreate those memories, it’s something special, isn’t it?”

Hearing that, I guess it’s true… Well, about the bath thing, actually, recently…

No, I’d better not mention that.

“If you’re looking for a sense of moving forward, maybe we can help by having you share some of your memories with us.”

“Ooh, good idea! I’m actually curious about what you and Kouki have been up to since you started dating.”

“Huh!? Um…”

Wait, what? This was supposed to be me asking for advice, not getting interrogated…!

But maybe if I talk things out, it could help them too, and maybe even sort out my own mess. So…

I start telling them about all the memories I’ve made with Kouki since before summer break.

◇

“You’re way past kissing already…”

“Seriously, you’re like the ultimate senpai. Keep leading the way, Aisa!”

“Huh…?”

That’s how they react after I finish talking.

All I told them was about the places Kouki and I went to since he started coming over as Manami’s tutor, but…

“I mean, he’s already a regular at your house, approved by your family, and you’re cooking for him? That’s basically married life!”

“And you weren’t even dating yet? Going to the beach, dating at the pool… I’m dating now, and I’d still hesitate if someone asked me to go out in a swimsuit…”

“Ugh…”

“And you went camping, stayed over, and even hung out together at your grandparents’ place, right?”

“Yeah, but…”

Hearing it all laid out like that is kinda embarrassing.

Sure, we did a lot before we started dating, and looking back, I don’t even know why we weren’t dating, but…

“Even after you started dating, you made him bentos, went on trips… Wait, you were basically living together until recently?! That’s way beyond kissing!”

“And Fujino-kun did that public confession thing at the school event, right? In that sense, you guys are definitely ahead.”

“Ugh…”

“I mean, you’ve spent that much time together and haven’t even kissed? You could totally be way further along, and it wouldn’t be weird.”

“From what you’ve said, it sounds like Kouki’s seen you in your underwear a bunch lately, let alone naked. His self-control is unreal.”

“Is that how it works…?!”

Underwear? More like…

“I bet Kouki’s seen you naked in the bath too…”

“What!?”

“Oh…”

Crap. I didn’t mean to let that slip!

“Aisa… at this point, I’m starting to feel sorry for Fujino-kun, regardless of how much you want to kiss.”

“Is he just too shy to make a move, or is his self-control just that strong? I’m betting on self-control. If he kissed you, he might not be able to hold back.”

“Huh…?”

“If he’s been holding back this much, it might all come rushing out at once…?”

“What!?”

If that’s true… no, wait… um…

“Hehe, Aisa, your face is beet red.”

“You’re so cute, Aisa!”

“Ugh, stop teasing me!”

“Sorry, sorry! But don’t you feel like maybe you don’t need to rush?”

“Well…”

Thinking about it like this, maybe Kouki and I have already moved forward plenty.

“And if a kiss might lead to something more all at once, are you even ready for that, Aisa?”

“Ugh…”

That’s true.

I mean, I thought everyone else would… but looking at them, maybe it’s better not to ask.

“Anyway, I think you and Kouki should just go at your own pace.”

“Yeah… maybe.”

“Yup, just keep doing what you’re doing, and it’ll happen naturally. You two don’t seem like you’re ever gonna break up.”

“Well… yeah…”

I have zero intention of breaking up, that’s for sure.

Yuuki and Manami are amazing, but I’m not giving up my spot.

“Then you’re fine. Just take your time, right?”

“Yeah, I think so!”

Their words give me a little boost of confidence.

I was probably so anxious before that I kept obsessing over moving forward.

But maybe, for better or worse, a kiss won’t change much.

Talking today made it clear that Kouki and I have already done so much together.

“Thanks, you two.”

And yet, it hits me again.

I want to kiss him.

It’s not about anxiety or progress. It’s just that I purely, genuinely want to be closer to Kouki, to touch him more. I’ve realized that’s what I truly want.