“When a celebrity dies, their books sell.”

This… is apparently one of the common knowledge in the publishing industry.

As a junior employee, I learned this fact through this incident.

The reasoning──makes sense.

When a celebrity dies, their obituary flows on TV and online news.

The bigger the name, the more repeatedly.

The sudden death of Toramura Goshin, who had made a name for himself as a film director in the past and recently gained popularity as a variety show personality, was naturally mentioned in numerous media outlets.

On wide shows, many celebrities gave memorial comments, and images and videos were spreading on SNS.

The whole of Japan is mourning his death.

Not to the extent of mourning… but at least, the obituary has made people interested in him. Even those who usually have no interest are interested now.

In other words──

It’s an excellent business opportunity.

The moment a celebrity’s obituary flows, every industry starts moving at once.

TV, newspapers, advertising, IT.

And the publishing industry too.

To put it bluntly──

Two weeks after Toramura Goshin’s sudden death.

His related books──sold.

They sold like crazy.

Past books moved a lot, and the recent autobiography that had poor sales and a massive return was all cleared out at once.

Of course, they didn’t sell on their own; the sales department worked desperately too.

To not miss this business opportunity.

Quick delivery to distributors, distribution adjustments calculated by customer base, coordination with the editorial department, requests for special corners at bookstores, new obi with celebrity memorial comments, ordering new POP designs, online ad promotions… and so on.

All those sales promotion strategies were executed──under Monou-san’s command.

From the day after the obituary flowed… no.

From that very night, she had started moving.

To sell even one more book in this business opportunity.

Riding on the obituary, but diligently promoting with a exquisite sense of balance so as not to be bashed as “insensitive.”

As a result──

All related books moved significantly, and several got reprints. Even the recent autobiography treated as a failure in the company ended up getting a reprint almost double the initial print.

Toramura Goshin had books with other publishers too, but looking at POS data, we definitely had the highest sales growth during this period.

It was all Monou-san’s achievement.

Her skill, passion, instinct, ability, speed, sense of balance.

She perfectly capitalized on the sudden business opportunity.

“Haa─, so tired today too.”

In the company break space, Kutsuwa said while holding a canned coffee.

Two weeks since the sudden obituary.

The hectic sales department was finally calming down a bit.

“But man, I learned a lot. When someone dies, their books sell. When you hear it, it’s like ‘yeah, obviously,’ but unless told, you don’t really notice.”

“True.”

“As expected, Manager Monou is amazing. She put up huge numbers this time, right? Even the department head was praising her.”

Naturally, with this incident, Monou-san’s already high company evaluation rose even further. I’ve heard voices praising her multiple times in the company these past few days.

“I thought publishing sales doesn’t have much to do, it’s boring if you can’t touch the content… but this really made me realize. Selling books is indeed the sales department’s job.”

What an unusually serious tone from Kutsuwa.

He had hoped for editorial but was assigned to sales, thinking “sales sucks,” but seemed to reconsider the job of sales.

That’s how amazing Monou-san was this time.

You could say she was shining.

However.

The stronger the shine, the stronger the shadow it casts.

“──As expected, the ‘Empress’ is lucky. Toramura suddenly dying like that.”

Two men entered the break space.

Much older than us.

Probably a generation slightly above Monou-san.

“She apparently rushed to the company the day Toramura died.”

“A chance to massively boost a flopping book. She must’ve thought ‘yes, he died, lucky’ or something.”

“Someone dies, and she eagerly works.”

“As expected of the ‘Empress.’ Few women can thoroughly turn an obituary into business like that.”

“Scary, huh. No matter how pretty, a strong-willed woman like that is a no for me.”

“No way she’d get a husband. The classic office lady boss type.”

“Hahaha. Office lady boss, huh. Apparently that’s outdated slang now. Young people don’t get it.”

Jealousy or envy.

They really hate that Monou-san, younger than them, is producing results.

Grinning creepily while spewing slander, they bought drinks and left the break space.

“…H-Hey, Sanzawa. It’s spilling.”

Kutsuwa’s words──make me notice.

I had crushed the canned coffee I was holding.

Since half was still left, a fair amount spilled on the table.

“Uwah. Shit…”

“Man… you’re still totally in love with Manager Monou.”

While helping wipe the table, Kutsuwa says exasperated.

“With that, no other woman stands a chance. Totally get why you turned down Kanomata.”

“That’s not it. And I didn’t turn her down anyway.”

I haven’t properly explained the thing with Kanomata to Kutsuwa.

But──he probably sensed the gist from the atmosphere.

Since that day, I haven’t had a proper conversation with Kanomata.

“Anyway… for that matter, it’s your fault. You did unnecessary things and made everything complicated.”

“…Yeah, it’s all my fault.”

When I retort sarcastically, Kutsuwa unusually looks properly depressed.

“Ah… I really did something inexcusable to Kanomata. Totally unnecessary. Gotta apologize properly next time and treat her to dinner or something. Or actually, maybe I’ll just date her myself.”

Saying something that’s hard to tell if joke or serious.

After wiping the table and throwing away the empty can, we left the break space.

That day’s way home──

“…Ah.”

In the elevator going down to the first floor, I coincidentally ran into Kanomata.

“Sanzawa-kun… heading home now?”

“Yeah. You too, Kanomata?”

“Yeah, thought I’d leave on time for once.”

Casual conversation, but still somewhat awkward.

We stay silent until the elevator reaches the first floor. Forcing separation seemed unnatural, so we walk out of the company together.

“…By the way.”

Kanomata suddenly speaks.

“Kutsuwa-kun, did he say something about me?”

“Ah… he was really depressed, saying he did something very bad.”

“Ahaha. Figures. He sent me this super serious apology message once. I was surprised Kutsuwa-kun could write such serious text.”

She says with a bright laugh.

“Tell him it’s fine, no need to worry. It’s not Kutsuwa-kun’s fault. I think it was gonna happen sooner or later anyway.”

Kanomata is smiling as expected.

Unnaturally, excessively bright.

I know.

This is her kindness.

She’s deliberately trying to make it a funny story.

So it doesn’t become a big deal.

So I don’t feel unnecessary guilt.

So it won’t be awkward working together from now on.

“Ahaha. What you gonna do, Sanzawa-kun? Since we’re here, wanna grab dinner? Ah, of course no chance today. Fufu. That kind of thing is once only──”

“──Kanomata.”

I say.

Probably something I don’t need to say.

Her kindness──hurts so much.

But now, I’m about to trample that kindness──

“I have someone I like.”

Stopping my feet, Kanomata stops too.

Her eyes widen greatly.

“…”

“Now, I can only think about that person.”

“…What, that.”

Kanomata looks confused, then laughs again.

“Ahaha, what’s this suddenly? What kind of confession…?”

But gradually, her smile fades.

On the face without smile remains sad confusion.

“…Stop it. We’ve been doing it without that kind of thing until now… Don’t suddenly get serious…”

“…Sorry.”

“Haa─… what is this. Feels like I got rejected without even confessing…”

No, it’s the opposite, Kanomata says.

With a self-deprecating smile different from her usual bright one.

“I never said I like you even once, right… Just roundabout approaches, never said the important thing once… So I couldn’t even get properly rejected.”

“…”

“I wanted to do it more skillfully.”

Kanomata looks up, speaking to the void.

Regretfully, resignedly.

Then lowers her eyes, spilling words.

“Adult romance is tough huh.”

Tough.

Really tough.

But──

“There’s no adult or child distinction.”

I say.

“It’s not about being adult or whatever… romance is probably all tough.”

It’s not tough because we are adult.

Then is it easy for kids? Probably not.

Making excuses with “because we are adult” and going the vague way is probably just escapism.

“…Yeah, true. Adult or child doesn’t matter.”

Kanomata exhales small.

“Rather… maybe I should’ve written a love letter instead of being roundabout? Might’ve worked better.”

I recall.

The love letter story Kanomata told me from middle school.

Thinking as an adult… a love letter from student days probably seems quite clumsy. For some, maybe extreme black history level embarrassing.

But.

The feelings at that moment──the way of conveying only possible in that era, must be irreplaceable.

“Can I ask one thing?”

Kanomata says.

“What?”

“If that person didn’t exist──if Sanzawa-kun was free, liking no one, that night, would you have slept with me?”

“…I think I would’ve immediately.”

“Ahaha! Okay. Then it’s fine!”

When I answer enduring the awkwardness, Kanomata opens her mouth wide and laughs carefree.

The summer sky finally starts reddening now.

On the gradually reddening path, I part with Kanomata.

Without looking back──walking toward the path I should take.

By the time I finish overtime and return to my apartment, it’s completely dark.

I unlock the door and take off shoes at the entrance.

And on the room table──I place the highball and snacks I bought.

Not non-alcoholic.

It has a higher percentage than what I usually drink.

I’ve been avoiding alcohol since starting baby-making──but considering various cycles, today the pregnancy chance is almost zero.

Then… a little should be fine.

I can’t get through today without drinking.

Two weeks since Toramura Goshin-shi’s obituary.

Work finally settled down.

“…”

I quickly change and prepare simple drinks.

I pull the can tab and drink directly from it.

Carbonation and alcohol pass through the throat, permeating the body.

The feeling like sunk in sludge gets washed a bit.

“…”

I end up remembering.

Sanzawa-kun’s face when seeing Toramura Goshin’s obituary.

Shocked by a person’s death, mourning──

Natural human compassion.

What did I think beside him.

Probably, first of all.

Before grieving or mourning the death.

This will sell books, I thought.

My head automatically started calculating, planning strategy.

I──was horrified by myself.

Horrified, disgusted… but didn’t stop.

I thoroughly used a person’s death for business as much as possible.

I was that kind of human.

“…I haven’t changed huh.”

Haven’t changed. Since divorcing my ex-husband, nothing changed.

When explaining to Sanzawa-kun, I spoke quite favorably for myself──but the marriage breakdown had many causes on my side too.

My husband tried to meet halfway several times.

Since we had almost no dating period, he planned trips and dates to build our relationship as husband and wife.

But I──prioritized work over him.

I was late 20s then, when work started getting fun, at the timing whether I’d become section chief or not.

“…Such an uncute woman.”

One can is already empty.

I know my pace is fast, but I can’t stop.

Reaching for another can──the phone rings.

From the facility where mother is admitted.

Answering, the usual staff’s voice.

“We’re always in your care, Yuiko-san. About Yuwako-san’s matter──”

The call ends in about ten minutes.

Content──regular monthly contact.

Clothes or consumables to bring next visit.

And about mother’s condition in the facility──

“…!”

What to do.

I might not make it anymore.

Even if I get pregnant now, birth is about ten months later──

──Yuiko is really a kind child.

Suddenly recall mother’s voice.

Probably around middle elementary school.

We had a goldfish that died, and I made a grave in the garden.

I was really sad since I cared for it, praying at the grave every day for about a month before school.

To me like that, mother always smiled kindly.

──Human, being kind is the best.

──I’m so happy Yuiko grew up kind.

“…I’m not kind, mom.”

Words like repentance spill from my mouth.

“I… even when people die, became a woman who can only think about making money…”

My heart sinks deep into a bottomless mud.

Ah… whatever.

Everything starts feeling pointless.

I want to disappear. To forget it all. Become empty.

Memories, thoughts, emotions.

Pride, dignity, regrets.

Past, future, present.

I want to let go of everything and erase it all.

Reached for a new can──that’s when.

The intercom rings.

On the screen──the man who is currently the only one I allow my body to.

“…Sorry for coming suddenly without contact.”

Sanzawa-kun was still in his suit.

He didn’t go home? I think he left on time today.

“You’re drinking?”

He says looking at the cans on the table.

He knows I was abstaining from alcohol.

Natural to wonder.s

I thought about cleaning before letting him in… but today, I’ve no energy for that. Whatever. Don’t care how he thinks.

“Yeah, thought I’d drink today at least.”

I say.

“To celebrate.”

“Celebrate…”

“Obvious, right? Celebrating Toramura Goshin’s book selling like crazy.”

“…”

I say.

In a strong voice, proudly.

“I think I did great work myself. So I was celebrating. Come on, since you’re here, join me, Sanzawa-kun. I bought a lot of alcohol.”

I urge him to sit beside, hand him several cans I bought in bulk.

I open a new can, gulp down a big swig.

“Good, Sanzawa-kun. You learned from this case──when people die, their books sell. So we have to move immediately when a celebrity’s obituary comes.”

“…”

“Strategies after obituary… did you memorize them properly? Do it yourself next time. It was chaotic since it was a sudden death this time… ideally, we should move even earlier. If collapsed and hospitalized, think fast, preparing early isn’t bad.”

“…”

“Ah─, but I was really saved. His autobiography would’ve had worst initial sales in years if nothing. Would’ve added unnecessary scar to my career. But ended up a comeback home run, lucky lucky──”

“──Please stop.”

Sanzawa-kun says strongly.

Stops my hand trying to chug again.

“Please stop already… No need to force it… no need to act tough.”

“…I’m not acting tough. I’m that kind of person──”

“Because Monou-san──you look like you’re about to cry.”

when he said that, I gasped.

I touch my eye with one hand, tears were welling up.

About to spill any moment.

“N-No… this is.”

“…Many say whatever at company, but I think I understand. From this case… how much Monou-san was hurt. How much you endured heart pain to work.”

“…”

“Monou-san is kind.”

Kind?

Me?

“…No way I’m kind.”

“You are kind, Monou-san. Maybe you don’t notice yourself.”

“…If I was kind, I wouldn’t be called ‘Empress’ at company.”

“Everyone just doesn’t know. Monou-san never shows that side at work. But those who know, know. Somehow, many of my batch respect Monou-san──”

Stop.

Stop it.

Don’t say I’m kind.

Don’t say more kind things.

Don’t──come into my heart more.

“Um… by the way, I have a souvenir today.”

Since I went silent, Sanzawa-kun says to cover.

“Souvenir…?”

Sanzawa-kun takes things from his bag and lines them on the table.

They──were leopard gecko figures.

Same as what I got from crane game before.

Four lined up.

Orange, white with black dots, pure white, yellow and purple spotted──morphs would be tangerine, snow, blizzard, enigma… maybe?

“What is this?”

“Today, on my way home from company, I happened to stop by an arcade. Happened to get too many, so I thought to give to Monou-san as present.”

“…”

Now I know why he was in suit this late despite leaving on time.

He was doing crane games the whole time.

…Why?

Why do that, Sanzawa-kun?

“Um… ah.”

He looks around, finds the leopard gecko figure in front of TV.

He then takes it and lines with the four.

By the way, the previous one was yellow body with black patterns──called high yellow morph.

“Complete set, like…”

Sanzawa-kun laughs troubled.

Five kinds of leopard geckos on the table.

The crane game poster said “all five kinds” I think, so yes, complete.

But.

Seeing this… what reaction should I have.

It is cute but.

“…”

“E-Er. Ah, right. One more bonus too.”

Probably because I was stuck on reaction, Sanzawa-kun takes out one more thing.

“This… I really hesitated. Probably unnecessary, but… thought maybe one in a million chance you’d like it. Anyway, I tried hard at crane game to get it.”

The moment I see what he presented──

My whole body’s hairs stand, blood drains at once.

“──!”

Shiny black wings.

Six legs from body.

Assertive antennae.

In short… a cockroach.

Very elaborately made, cockroach figure.

Color and size, looks exactly like real──

“…I-Iyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”

I scream despite it being night.

No way.

Even knowing it’s figure, no way!

“W-What is this! Why get something like this!?”

“As expected, no good?”

“Obviously no good! Is this harassment!?”

“N-No! You said you are bad with bugs so gave up on keeping leopard gecko… so thought maybe get used little by little from toy like this…”

“Don’t need that consideration! Anyway, leopard gecko food isn’t cockroach but red roach! That kind… it doesn’t have such hideous form, a bit cuter!”

“I hate them too but I tried hard!”

“Didn’t ask! Put it away already!”

When I yell, Sanzawa-kun makes sad face and puts it back in bag.

Haa… thought I’d die.

My heart almost stopped, still breathing hard.

The moment seeing that ultra-realistic thing, mind went blank, screamed loud, body strength left, and what was binding my heart until now seemed to go somewhere──

“Haa, haa… Pfft. Ahahahaha!”

Before I knew, I burst out laughing.

The sheer stupidity, I couldn’t not laugh.

“Really… what are you doing.”

“Ahaha… sorry.”

“Getting so many… didn’t they cost a lot?”

“Just a bit. Got them for about 2000 yen.”

Eh? 2000 yen?

I spent almost that and got only two…

Sanzawa-kun got four leopard geckos and one C for similar amount?

“…I thought maybe try something childish.”

He says.

“Without forcing to act like an adult, without trying impossible mature things… if a girl’s depressed, give arcade prizes… thought that student-like vibe might be good sometimes.”

“Girl…”

I’m already 32.

Is calling me a girl okay?

“The previous student-like date was really fun too.”

“…Yeah.”

I remember.

That day’s date.

I did put effort, thought I coordinated appropriately for age… but ended up fully enjoying amusement facility. Moved forcibly in restrictive clothes and fell too.

How long has it been since.

Enjoying without thinking anything like that.

“It was fun, really.”

I say.

“…Sorry. The fun date, I ruined at the end… You didn’t think I’m a horrible woman?”

Prioritizing work during date.

Running to make money without hesitation on a person’s death.

What does Sanzawa-kun think of such an unpleasant woman──

“I thought you’re a cool person.”

Straight.

Unadorned words fly straight into my chest.

“Not missing business chance even on date… super cool. I want to brag to everyone my boss is amazing.”

“…”

Ah, no good.

Something broke just now.

Pride, appearances, stubbornness… the armor I wore to be myself──to live as woman in society, shattered with sound.

I lean my head on him sitting beside.

“M-Monou-san…”

“Praise me.”

“…Eh?”

“Praise me more.”

“Eh? U-Um.”

“It’s an order.”

“Ah─… Y-You’re amazing as expected, Monou-san. I really learned a lot these two weeks. I want to work hard to become sales manager like Monou-san.”

“More.”

“C-Company evaluation is skyrocketing. You might become department head soon? Youngest female department head in company maybe.”

“More. Not just work.”

“…S-Simply think you’re beautiful. Great style, suits look good. Seem worried about age but look totally young… And… um, on date day, I was embarrassed so didn’t say, but that outfit was super beautiful.”

“More.”

“…Being a bit bad at exercise is cute… Ah, no, this is praise! It’s praise okay!”

Ah──

What am I doing.

Idiotic.

No──idiot itself.

Because.

I end up thinking I want to do even more idiotic things.

“Thank you, Sanzawa-kun.”

“No, this much──Nn!?”

Almost surprise attack, I hug him──forcefully overlap lips.

Then peck many many times.

We’ve kissed many times, but this intense is a first time. Moreover, first in my life.

Doing such kiss──feeling this burning too.

“M-Monou-san…”

When lips finally part, Sanzawa-kun looks at me embarrassed troubled. That face was unbearably dear.

I can’t think straight.

My head is fuzzy, yet heart beating incredibly fast.

The alcohol is finally hitting, but I don’t care anymore.

I want to surrender to this moment’s excitement and drown──

I hug him again, suck on his neck with lips. Both hands crawl on back and thighs, gradually entering clothes.

Then he grabs my shoulders, looks with pained eyes.

“I’ll lose control… me.”

“…No need to control.”

I place my hand on his chest, forcefully push down.

Straddle his body and spreading my legs.

Vigorously throw off jacket.

The lights aren’t turned off, no shower either.

But now, I couldn’t stop myself.

“Please… today, make a mess of me.”

I cover him again, overlap lips.

After few seconds, Sanzawa-kun, as if resolved, hugs me strongly. The embrace confirming body heat and breath. Soon my bra was removed skillfully, ridiculously large breasts spill. His once clumsy hands now smoothly remove underwear. When he sucks on breast… I let out surprisingly big moan.

How many times have we united already.

Over ten, or not.

But in the past sex was for baby-making purpose.

Not strictly only ovulation days──naturally, we didn’t have sex on zero chance days.

But now it’s different.

Today, almost certainly is no pregnancy day.

So-called safe day. Of course not 100% safe day, but pregnancy probability is quite low.

Yet──now, I desire him this intensely.

I want to do as I please.

Want to be done as pleased.

Strongly wish to be held.

I couldn’t be insensitive to not understand that meaning.