I──the person named Kanomata Miku.

I thought of myself as someone good at getting by.

From childhood, I could handle most things pretty well.

Not to the point of being a genius or prodigy, of course… Just that I could do decently in studies and sports without much effort.

I could reach a certain level without trying too hard, but I wouldn’t improve beyond that, and I didn’t even feel like putting in the effort… something like that?

My grades had always been in the top 30% of the year.

In university, I efficiently earned credits by leveraging my communication skills and connections.

For job hunting, I didn’t try that hard, but thanks to my natural smile and cheerfulness, I luckily got into a major publishing company.

Good at getting by.

Able to handle anything efficiently.

On the flip side──

I might not have any experience truly getting serious about something.

Studies, club activities, exams, job hunting.

With about 70% effort, things somehow worked out.

The same might go for romance──perhaps.

The only failure was the love letter I wrote in middle school to a senior I had never even spoken to.

In high school, I vaguely dated a guy who confessed to me.

After enjoying events like cultural festivals, sports days, Christmas, and Valentine’s reasonably well, in our third year, we “focused on exams” and broke up cleanly.

In university, when I thought it was about time for a boyfriend, I went to a group date, and ended up dating a decent guy naturally.

I did the couple thing with him reasonably well too… but around job hunting time, after I got an early job offer first, things turned sour, and I was the one who ended it.

And so on, like that.

Romance too, I handled efficiently with about 70% effort.

So──

In my life of getting by efficiently.

The trouble in my second year at the company──was my first real setback in life.

Bad luck piled on bad luck, creating an insane amount of work.

Even though I hadn’t done anything wrong, my workload tripled or quadrupled.

I painfully realized that this is common in society, and the reason I’d been able to get by efficiently until now was because I was a student.

While being overwhelmed by endless work, I realized it.

Normally, I would’ve efficiently relied on those around me to solve things, but at that time, everyone in Sales Division 1 was in overtime hell because of that trouble.

Even as the most junior, I had the least work.

In that situation, I couldn’t rely on seniors.

In a situation where I couldn’t rely on anyone, while holding back tears and fighting alone──

“If you want, I can help?”

The one who helped me──was Sanzawa-kun.

Sanzawa-kun.

Sanzawa Haruhiko-kun.

Same year as me, in Sales Division 3.

His older brother is that famous athlete, Sanzawa Shunichiro.

But he himself seems to have some complicated feelings, as he always makes a subtle face when his brother comes up. Or he brings it up self-deprecatingly first to quickly end the topic.

“If there’s anything I can do, tell me. Doing it together should finish it a bit faster.”

“Eh… but”

“Hm?”

“Sanzawa-kun… is your own work okay?”

“Guu…”

“Helping with my work might not be the time…”

Honestly──Sanzawa-kun isn’t really the type who’s great at work.

Bluntly, he’s kinda bad at getting by.

Someone like Kutsuwa-kun from the same Division 3 looks like he handles work very efficiently even from the side, but Sanzawa-kun doesn’t stand out much.

He often gets scolded by Manager Monou too.

“…Well, probably okay.”

Sanzawa-kun says.

His voice didn’t sound very okay.

“Actually… I can’t concentrate. Seeing my cohort you working with a face like you’re about to cry right in my view.”

“Wha. I’m not making a face like I’m about to cry!”

“So lately my performance being bad can be said to be because you’re chipping away at my concentration.”

“…Hey, don’t blame me~”

“Ahaha.”

Sanzawa-kun laughs.

My shoulders relaxed a bit too.

“Then… can I ask for a little help?”

“Yeah, leave it to me.”

And I ended up relying on Sanzawa-kun’s kindness.

“Sorry, next time we drink I’ll treat you.”

“Looking forward to it.”

A sociable, adult-like exchange.

Probably not many people actually follow through and treat when saying things like this. Sanzawa-kun doesn’t seem to like drinking parties much anyway.

He’s not actually looking forward to it.

Just responding formally to read the air.

Probably a reply meaning “if we can go.”

And──

Thanks to him, I somehow escaped hell.

However.

On the contrary, he… neglected his own work and got scolded pretty harshly by Manager Monou.

Seeing that, I felt truly sorry, but also wanted to yell “I told you so.”

Jeez, what is it with Sanzawa-kun.

Kind but clumsy, honest but bad at getting by.

Completely different type from the guys I’ve dated before.

Yet before I knew it──I was starting to devise various strategies to somehow drink with him.

Even though he probably wasn’t looking forward to it at all.

Probably forgot he even said it.

Yet──I couldn’t stop myself from planning.

Since just the two of us would be too obvious, start with a large group drinking party, then naturally slip away to just us~ , I even fantasized like that.

I was most surprised at myself doing something so inefficient.

Completely different from with past boyfriends where it was easy.

70% effort doesn’t cut it.

Rather, more than 70% effort goes in on its own.

A long time ago──

It reminded me of how I felt in middle school, desperately writing a love letter to a senior I’d never spoken to.

Whether there’s a chance or not.

Whether we could date or it’s impossible.

Without any calculation, the impulse to do something extremely inefficient──

After about two hours, we left the shop.

For the bill, since I’m the guy, I pay.

I pretend to, but since we’re colleagues, we split.

Or so I thought… but somehow Kanomata ended up treating me.

Why it turned out that way──

“I’m the guy, so I’ll pay.”

“No no, that kinda thing isn’t trendy.”

“But still.”

“It’s fine it’s fine. We’re colleagues, so none of that.”

“I see. If you insist that much.”

“Actually, I’ll treat instead.”

“…Why does it become that?”

“Just in that mood~”

“No, that doesn’t make sense.”

“Ah… yeah yeah, now I remember. Hey, remember? When you helped with work before, I said next time we drink I’ll treat.”

“…Ah~, there was that.”

“Right? I’m a woman who keeps promises. Rather, it’s no exaggeration to say I came to today’s drinking party to treat Sanzawa-kun.”

“…Didn’t you say you just remembered?”

“Ahaha. Did I?”

After that, she pushed through lightly, and I ended up getting treated.

What is it.

Getting treated by a female colleague does make you feel kinda guilty.

Thinking this itself might be bad from a gender equality perspective, but it’s different from getting treated by a senior like Monou-san.

“Ah~, drank a lot. It’s been a while since I drank this much.”

After leaving the shop.

Kanomata says cheerfully while stretching with a bright red face.

She seems in very high spirits, but her steps are a bit unsteady.

“Hey, you okay?”

“Haha~. Totally perfectly fine~”

She didn’t seem very fine.

Well, her speech is clear, so not blackout drunk or anything.

“Kanomata, where’s your place again? I’m taking the train, so I’m heading to the station.”

“Eh~, going home already? It’s a rare chance, wanna hit one more place?”

“…Fine but… you okay?”

“I can go I can go.”

Then we walk the entertainment district looking for the next shop.

Walking side by side with a female colleague──somehow the guilt increases.

There shouldn’t be any problem.

Monou-san and I aren’t dating, nor planning to.

Rather──a relationship that ends if it turns romantic.

So drinking alone with a female colleague like this, there shouldn’t be any need to feel guilty.

To begin with.

This──guilt toward what, toward whom?

Guilty for spending time like a date with another woman while having fallen for Monou-san.

Or perhaps.

Feeling something like guilt for vaguely going along without rejecting, while dimly aware of Kanomata’s affection.

“…Ah.”

Because I was worrying, we walked too far.

We’ve passed through the district lined with drinking places.

If we keep going this way──bad.

Since I’ve used it with Monou-san several times, I know.

If we go down this road──

“…Wanna head back a bit?”

Saying lightly, just as I try to turn around.

Grip.

My arm is grabbed, stopping my movement.

She leans her body toward me, linking arms.

“…Sorry. Maybe I got a bit drunk after all.”

Her slightly trembling voice tells me.

“Can we rest somewhere?”

Looking up at me for just a moment, then immediately averting eyes.

Even for me with low romance experience──I could tell her intention.

Probably not really drunk, nor really wanting to rest.

Perhaps even coming this way was strategic.

If I say something like “Then, shall we find a place to rest?” and keep walking a bit──we’d soon reach the love hotel district.

I’m being invited now.

An adult invitation hoping I’ll pick up without saying directly. Even if not a blatant confession, how much courage does it take for a woman to invite like this.

“…!”

Various conflicts rage in my chest.

In these past few months──I’ve learned various new things.

I, as a person──am apparently much more prone to going with the flow, and losing to sexual desire than I thought.

Even the first time going to a hotel with Monou-san, in the end, I just went with lust.

Not dating.

Not in love.

Such a woman──I tried to sleep with just out of lust.

I was capable of that.

So.

Honestly, my heart wavers at Kanomata’s invitation.

Lust rises strongly.

I don’t dislike Kanomata. Today was fun drinking. She’s cute, popular in the company too. Being invited makes me happy, excited.

I simply think I want to sleep with her.

Probably no need to hold back for Monou-san. Even if I get involved with someone else, that’s my private life.

She has no right to interfere.

Then──maybe it’s fine.

Just one night, without thinking too deeply.

Having relations doesn’t necessarily mean dating. We’re adults, so it can be ambiguous, yea or nay, left to the vibe.

No matter how much I like Monou-san now… this is an unrequited love anyway.

Once she gets pregnant, it’s over.

Then now──I should find a proper partner.

Properly fall in love, properly date.

A normal girlfriend like that, from now──

“…Kanomata.”

After thinking way too much in a brief moment.

Bracing myself, I open my mouth.

“If you’re feeling bad, you should go home and rest properly.”

I said. I tried to smile somehow, but it probably became a very thin one.

“…I see.”

After a few seconds pause, Kanomata lets go of my hand.

And──smiles only with her mouth.

A lonely smile, like hiding something, like reading the air after understanding everything.

“Yeah… I’ll go home and rest today.”

“Yeah.”

Then we turn around and start walking toward the station.

The distance is a bit farther than before.

“…You’re kind after all, Sanzawa-kun.”

Muttering, Kanomata says without looking here.

I don’t know the intention──but the words stabbed my chest.

I’m not kind.

Not considerate of Kanomata.

Just couldn’t bear the guilt.

While having someone I like, without saying it, I couldn’t bear the situation of deceiving Kanomata.

As we pass through the entertainment district and reach the station front, bit by bit, the awkwardness is easing.

“Haa~, somehow today, feels like I’ll drink more even after getting home~”

“Stop it. You’ll die tomorrow.”

“Whose fault do you think it is?”

“Uh…”

“…Ahaha. Joking, joking. Don’t mind it.”

After glaring, she laughs loudly.

That unnaturally bright attitude is honestly appreciated. We’ll see each other at the company from now on.

“Jeez… You’re wasting a chance, Sanzawa-kun too. Such an opportunity is super rare. Today I just happened to get really drunk… Normally I’m absolutely not the type to go with the alcohol flow~ or anything.”

“I know.”

“You really know? Not thinking ‘this girl’s easier than I thought’ or something?”

“Not thinking not thinking.”

“Really~?”

“Hey. Stop, don’t cling…”

“Ahaha~, easy girl play or something?”

Without caring about eyes, Kanomata links arms again.

With truly light attitude──intentionally acting light.

Somehow felt like a kind of ritual.

Like this, making today’s events a funny story──just got a bit carried away by the alcohol mood, ending the talk.

Nothing happened.

Not a big deal.

Just a momentary lapse.

A ritual to confirm that to each other.

To return to normal colleagues from Monday.

So I go along without forcibly rejecting.

If it makes Kanomata feel even a little better, I want to do this much.

With that thought, fooling around in the station square──that was when.

We ran into Monou-san.

Usual suit. Striking beauty even in the crowd.

Probably working overtime until now.

Seeing us two, eyes widen greatly.

“Sanzawa-kun… and Kanomata… san?”

“M-Monou-san…!”

From shock, I freeze on the spot.

Why.

How.

It’s not an impossible coincidence if we use the same station, but still──way too bad timing.

Right now, this moment.

How do we look in her eyes, coming from the entertainment district with red faces.

Just thinking that, the alcohol wears off all at once.