On the bed──

He and I are lying there, completely naked.

Since it’s right after finishing a round, both of our breathing is heavy.

Ever since the pairing started, how many times have we done it now?

At first, because he had no experience, he was clumsy in various ways, but as we gained experience, he improved remarkably. Now he can handle the basics even without me leading.

In fact.

Lately, it’s more like I’m the one who──

“…I’m going to take a shower.”

Just as I tried to get out of bed,

“Please wait.”

He grabbed my hand.

“I’m sorry. I… still feel like it’s not enough.”

“…!”

His voice sounded apologetic, yet it was laced with strong desire.

Being hit directly with that unabashed sexual urge, an indescribable embarrassment and shame welled up in my chest.

“…No. We have an early start tomorrow too. That’s it for today──eh?”

The moment I tried to shake his hand off.

He pulled──hard.

“Kyaa!”

He forcibly pulled me close and held me from behind.

“Hey… Sanzawa-kun.”

“It’s impossible. I can’t hold back… Being shown such an erotic body like this, there’s no way I can be satisfied with just one time.”

“Wh-what are you sayi──!”

The arms reaching from behind groped my breasts roughly. The force was quite strong. Yet for some reason, my body didn’t register it as pain.

“…S-stop it! Really… I’ll get angry.”

I tried to yell, but my voice wouldn’t come out properly. Because he was touching my sensitive spots, strength was draining from my body as well.

And then he──

He forcibly lifted me up──and put me on all fours.

“…N-nooo!”

“Wow, this is bad… It’s way too erotic, Monou-san. Your huge ass is completely visible.”

“…S-stop. Stop it! No… like this.”

“Is that true?”

He said it in an uncharacteristically sadistic voice.

“It looks like you’re actually enjoying it, though?”

“N-no, that’s not it…! I’m not enjoying it…!”

I desperately tried to refuse, but my body wouldn’t move. No way. Why? Could it be that I’m really enjoying it? That deep down, I actually wanted to be forced like this?

Sanzawa-kun leaned over me from behind, his erect thing──

Then I woke up.

“~_~!”

Right after waking up, I clutched my head.

I felt like dying from self-loathing and shame.

Whaaaaat… Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?

What kind of dream am I having!?

It’s embarrassing. I want to die. I want to crawl into a hole.

If it was just an erotic dream, that would be one thing… but the part where Sanzawa-kun turns into a total scumbag is harsh.

No!

That’s not it!

It’s not like this is my fetish or anything!

I don’t have a desire to be forcefully attacked sometimes!

This is, um… yeah.

It’s because of that slightly erotic romance comic aimed at women that I happened to read before bed yesterday!

Geez… Lately, erotic ads keep popping up way too much. Is it because I looked up a bunch of stuff about semen tests…?

Yes, that’s it. That’s definitely it.

It was just a coincidence, really just a coincidence.

It’s not like I wanted to read that kind of comic, I just accidentally clicked on the ad because it caught my eye… And it’s definitely not because the title was “The Career-Oriented Beautiful Boss Gets Doted On in Bed by Her Junior Male Colleague” that I got interested. I didn’t project myself onto it at all. And even though the junior guy in the comic turned out to be surprisingly sadistic, I’m not interested at all. Well… I did end up buying all the volumes by mistake, but that was purely for market research as a publishing sales rep, and the comic itself lacked realism and I didn’t enjoy it at all──

“…This is bad. What’s the time?.”

While hugging my head alone and making excuses, a considerable amount of time had passed.

I jumped out of bed and started preparing to go to work.

As a section chief, there’s basically an endless amount of work.

You could say there are infinite miscellaneous tasks as a middle manager.

Right after my promotion, honestly, the workload almost crushed me, but by the time a year had passed, I had gotten a pretty good grasp on it, and by the second year, I even had some leeway.

In a good way, I learned how to cut corners… or rather, I learned the balance and pacing of what to delegate to subordinates and what to handle myself.

One day in August.

Today as well, I’m staring down my computer at my chief’s desk.

While mechanically handling the massive amount of tasks… various thoughts about recent events swirl in my head.

In terms of work, it’s generally going smoothly, I suppose.

I’m able to run the section without any major issues.

Just one thing… Regarding Toramura Goshin’s autobiography, I’m really frustrated. Because the bookstore sales are extremely bad, a huge number of returns have already arrived. Ahh, it’s frustrating. If only the movie hadn’t fallen through, there would’ve been plenty of ways to handle it…!

And──besides work.

Regarding my private life.

“………”

I glance over.

While working, I briefly look up and check Sanzawa-kun’s seat.

Our eyes don’t meet.

He’s staring at his computer screen with a serious expression. It seems he’s been buried in administrative work since this morning. Remembering this morning’s dream, I almost start having weird delusions, but… I hurriedly switch my thoughts.

Right now──the element that occupies a large portion of my private life.

The pairing with Sanzawa-kun.

This is also… well, going smoothly, I guess.

We still haven’t achieved pregnancy, but we’ve been able to do it a decent number of times.

The semen test results were fine too.

I think Sanzawa-kun is really doing his best.

Whenever I ask, he always comes to my place. And even though once would be enough, he does it multiple times in one night… Ah, no, that’s not the point!

Anyway──he’s doing a great job, that’s what I’m saying.

But.

Even though he’s working hard… there’s actually one small dissatisfaction.

That is, that is──

He has never once invited me himself!

…No, I know. I fully understand.

It’s weird for me to be dissatisfied about something like this…!

Since it’s for my convenience and my pregnancy efforts, it’s natural that I take the lead… but, but.

Isn’t it about time he invited me at least once?

Guys his age… you know?

They must be thinking about that stuff day and night, probably.

And yet… he never makes any moves from his side.

He never messages me first.

Even though he said at the beginning that we should be frank.

Even though I told him “It’s okay if you invite me too.”

In the company car, I said it casually, but still…!

…No, of course, I know it’s weird to worry about something like this.

I don’t want to blame him… it’s more like I’m feeling bad.

It’s like I’m getting frustrated because he’s too reserved.

…No, he’s not that reserved.

Once we start, he’s extremely proactive… and he sometimes shows glimpses of perversion. There’s no doubt he has a normal sex drive… or perhaps above average.

That’s exactly why… his constant passive stance bothers me a little.

Yes, in other words, I’m pointing out that “being humble is good, but there’s a limit?”… It’s definitely not that I’m wondering things like “Do I not have enough charm to be worth inviting?” or “I said ‘contact me if you want to do it,’ but since he doesn’t contact me, does that mean I’m not worth going out of his way to contact?” or any of those complicated worries──

“Manager Monou.”

“–! Wh-what is it, Sanzawa-kun?”

He suddenly called out to me, and I was greatly flustered.

I desperately controlled my facial muscles and somehow responded with a straight face.

“It’s about the sales data that the editing department asked for earlier.”

“Ah, wait a second. I looked it over just now.”

My heart is still pounding like crazy, but I respond as usual.

I never expected Sanzawa-kun to talk to me at this exact timing…

“–So, make the numbers here easier to understand. And if you have data from when we did a similar project recently, include that too. It’ll make comparisons clearer.”

“Ah, I see.”

“You can’t be satisfied just doing what’s asked. A capable adult thinks and acts on their own more and more.”

“Y-yes, I’ll be careful.”

“…Right. On your own, you know. Act on your own, Sanzawa-kun.”

“Yes…”

“It’s not good to be someone who just waits for instructions. Just being passive in everything won’t work. If you only do things because you’re asked, the person asking will gradually get worried… Always having only one side doing the asking creates bad balance, you know.”

“…Um.”

“So, instead of just waiting to be invited, sometimes you should show some manliness by inviting from your side…”

“I-invite…?”

Huh?

What am I talking about right now!?

“…A-anyway, that’s what I mean by working hard! There, conversation over, go back go back!”

“Y-yes, ma’am.”

When I forcibly pushed him away, Sanzawa-kun returned to his seat with a puzzled look. I looked down and let out a big sigh.

Ah, geez.

What on earth am I doing…

After finishing work on time──

I headed to the department store in front of the station.

A tall commercial building with many famous high-end brands.

I rode the elevator up to the target floor.

The floor lined with women’s brands.

Passing through the major high-end brand shops that everyone knows, I walked straight to my destination.

A certain shop deep inside the floor.

Just as I was about to enter,

“–Huh? Yuiko.”

I heard a familiar voice.

When I turned around, my friend Kae was running toward me.

“Wow, what a coincidence. Coming from work? Shopping?”

“Something like that.”

Inukai Kae.

Her name sounds like someone who’d own a dog, but her hobby is keeping reptiles.

Her job is a dance instructor. She’s one of the very few… really very few friends I have who continue hanging out with me outside of work.

“Is Kae coming from work too?”

“Today is my day off. I was wandering around randomly all day, thinking I’d do a little shopping at the end. You shopping too, Yuiko?”

“Yeah, well…”

“Hmm.”

Kae looked up and stared at the shop I was about to enter.

It was──a lingerie shop.

A specialty store for women’s underwear.

Yes.

Today, I came to buy underwear.

“Haa, I see.”

“…What?”

“No, nothing.”

Ugh… a little embarrassing.

It’s not like I’m doing anything wrong.

“Alright. Then, let’s go in.”

“Eh? W-wait… why are you coming too, Kae?”

“It’s rare to run into each other, so I’ll keep you company for shopping~”

“It’s fine, really…”

Buying underwear with a friend.

Doing something like that after turning thirty is a bit…

“Come on come on. It’s fine it’s fine.”

Since Kae went ahead into the store, I had no choice but to follow.

Fortunately or unfortunately, there were no other customers.

The store was lined with various types of women’s underwear.

Light-colored ones and dark-colored ones. Ones with exquisite embroidery that made you stare in admiration, and relatively simple ones. Some with slightly bold designs. As expected from a fairly expensive shop, the selection was abundant.

“So you buy underwear in a nice place like this, Yuiko~”

“…If I don’t come to places like this, they don’t have my size.”

When I muttered that,

“Haa, ahh, that makes sense…”

With an expression that was somehow surprised, put off, and teasing, Kae stared intently at my chest.

When I picked up one bra that caught my interest,

“Th-they’re huuuge…! Eh? What is that? A tool for carrying two melons?”

“…Should I kick you out soon?”

“Ahaha~, sorry sorry.”

When I warned her strongly, Kae finally quieted down.

The two of us seriously examined the underwear.

Now then. What kind should I get?

“By the way~”

Kae suddenly said.

“You came to buy new underwear… is it maybe for that younger guy?”

“…!”

My movements stopped for a moment.

About the pairing──of course, it’s a secret from Kae too.

Regarding Sanzawa-kun, I’ve only explained that “I got close to a younger guy and we even had sex.”

…I think it’s an explanation full of things to retort to, but Kae is the type who doesn’t pry deeply, so it’s helpful.

“…W-well, something like that.”

“Aha~, as I thought.”

Kae grinned.

I thought about brushing it off, but it seemed like I’d just dig myself deeper, so I stopped.

Actually… that’s exactly it.

Today, I came to buy underwear that’s okay to show to a man──so-called, battle underwear.

Originally, I don’t have that many types of underwear. The number of underwear that’s fine even if a man sees it during that is really limited.

When asking Sanzawa-kun for pairing, as an adult woman’s etiquette, I’ve been making sure to wear proper underwear each time… but I’m starting to run out of stock.

At this rate, he’ll think “Huh? I’ve seen this underwear before. Does this person not have many underwear?”

That’s why today, I came to properly buy some.

Yes, purely as adult manners.

Definitely not thinking about seducing him with underwear.

Definitely not.

“I get it I get it. You want to seduce him with sexy underwear, right?”

…It’s too much trouble, so I won’t retort.

“No~, nice nice. That kind of feeling is nostalgic. Ah~, I want to find a good guy soon too~”

“…But in reality, is there any point?”

I suddenly said.

“Is there any meaning to a woman dressing up in underwear?”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“Because… when doing that, people usually make the room dark, right? If so, you can’t see the details of the underwear well… and anyway, it often gets taken off quickly.”

“Ah~, true~”

Kae agreed.

“In reality, guys don’t look that closely or care that much. When I wore battle underwear with full motivation… when he took off everything at once, I wanted to yell ‘Hey!’ Like, ‘Look at it properly at least once!’”

“I won’t go that far…”

But, I kind of get it.

I’d be troubled if I was stared at too much and it’s embarrassing, but I want him to look a little.

Because it’s battle underwear.

Because I’m dressing up for it.

“Well, in the end, maybe it’s healthier to think that all women’s fashion is just self-satisfaction.”

Kae said, as if wrapping it up.

“Clothes, underwear, and even muscles. It’s not to appeal to others, but to make yourself beautiful for yourself.”

“That’s true. What’s important is how you want to be.”

“Yeah yeah… …Sigh.”

After nodding enthusiastically, Kae suddenly got depressed.

“W-what’s wrong?”

“No, I just thought… we just had a super thirty-something single woman conversation. Stuff like ‘Don’t pander to men!’ ‘Don’t depend on others!’ ‘It’s all self-investment!’…”

“…Don’t say something sad.”

After that, I tried on a few underwear that caught my eye, and decided to buy one set.

Not for anyone else.

Battle underwear for myself.

With that momentum, I ended up having dinner with Kae.

We went to the restaurant floor in the basement of the department store and entered a relatively empty seafood place.

Because we were led to a private room… even though no alcohol was involved, we somehow got excited talking about vulgar topics that you can’t say to others.

After finishing the meal and drinking the after-meal tea that was served.

From the flow of vulgar talk, I ended up voicing one concern.

“Eh~? That younger guy never invites you at all?”

Kae laughed troubledly.

The concern was… what I was worrying about during work today.

I didn’t plan to talk about it, but since Kae kept asking about Sanzawa-kun, I accidentally let it slip.

“Hmm hmm. So… you’re sexually frustrated?”

“Th-that’s not it.”

I drank a sip of the tea and said.

“…It’s not about the frequency being insufficient or anything… It’s just that I’m almost always the one inviting, and he never invites at all, which feels… unequal, or unfair.”

“Ah~… I see.”

“It might be an old-fashioned way of thinking… b-but, you know, for this kind of thing, you want the guy to invite, right?”

“That’s old-fashioned~”

“…!”

She cut me down flat.

Y-you didn’t have to be that direct…

“No, well, I kinda get the feeling though. Basically it’s about female pride, right? Like wondering if you don’t have enough charm to be invited.”

Kae said thoughtfully.

“If there’s no invitation from the other side, you start getting all kinds of worries. Even though when we invite, we put in a lot of courage. Especially since we’re even preparing battle underwear and all.”

“Th-that’s exactly it.”

I ended up nodding vigorously.

I’ve already invited for the pairing many times… but it’s not like I’m completely unfazed. Whether meeting in person to invite or texting… every time I’m thinking hard and gathering courage.

What if he rejects me, what if he hates it.

Pretending to be emotionless as much as possible to hide those conflicts and worries.

“Jeez, life really doesn’t go as planned. When young, I thought ‘Why do guys only think about sex when we meet?’ but now that I’m older, I’m worrying ‘Why doesn’t this guy invite me for sex?’…”

Kae grumbled frustratedly, but

“…Hm?”

She suddenly voiced a question.

“Huh? But your guy is young, right? Early twenties or so. So it’s not the pattern of decreased libido from aging…”

“…In the end, maybe I’m not worth going out of his way to invite.”

To him, I’m neither a girlfriend nor a marriage partner.

His workplace superior who’s almost ten years older, who usually just lectures him.

Someone he was asked by, invited by, requested by.

Because it’s a situation where he can easily sleep with me without making a move himself, he does it just because he wants to.

He has no obligation to go out of his way to invite──

“Or maybe──it’s the opposite.”

Kae said.

“The opposite?”

“Yeah. Maybe he cares about you so much that he can’t invite easily?”

“………”

“Maybe he really really wants to do it but is scared that if he seems like he’s only after your body, you’ll hate him──so he’s desperately trying to appeal his sincerity?”

“………”

I was──lost for words.

The words said in a light tone somehow clicked perfectly in my mind.

“I don’t know the details, but~. Why not just go out with the kid already? From what I’ve heard, he seems like a pretty good guy.”

“…There are various circumstances on my side.”

I said definitively and finished the rest of my tea.

After parting with Kae, I returned home.

After changing from my suit to loungewear──

For some reason, I lined up the underwear I bought on the bed.

“…Hmm.”

What should I do.

Somehow… it might be more erotic than I thought.

I might have bought something pretty bold.

That’s weird. Why did I buy something like this? I was supposed to buy it for myself, for self-satisfaction…! Ah geez, it was bad consulting Kae. When I was torn between two and asked her, I feel like she recommended all the bold ones.

“………”

While staring at the bought underwear and remembering the exchange with Kae──suddenly, the words she said after the meal floated in my mind.

──Maybe he cares about you so much that he can’t invite easily?

Cares about me?

Sanzawa-kun, about me?

Someone like me?

On one hand I think no way, but on the other… part of me thinks maybe.

“…Idiot.”

I unconsciously said it aloud and laughed.

If what Kae said is true──if Sanzawa-kun can’t invite because he cares about me too much.

If he’s struggling like a high schooler who’s just gotten his first girlfriend ever, wondering when to push for physical relations.

If that’s the case… it makes me feel strangely ticklish.

All the worrying I did feels stupid.

He doesn’t need to care about someone like me.

He can treat me as roughly as he wants.

I told him he could treat me like a convenient sex friend.

A woman like me──a woman who only thinks about herself like this has no right to be treated kindly by him.

“…Sigh.”

No matter how much I worry, I can’t know Sanzawa-kun’s true feelings.

But my mood lightened a little. Yeah. Let’s stop worrying about stupid things like who invites who.

Even if he doesn’t invite, I’ll just keep inviting like before.

That’s our relationship, our contract.

Our──pairing.

With a bit of relief and new determination in my heart, I sent him a message.

“Tonight tomorrow

If you have no plans

Could you do the pairing?”

After a simple goodnight greeting, I conveyed the request in my usual wording.

I stared at the underwear on the bed.

Looks like it’s time for these to make an appearance soon. No, it’s not like I invited because I want to show him this underwear quickly. It’s just coincidence in timing──

While thinking that… a reply came immediately.

Sanzawa-kun always replies quickly.

And even for sudden invitations, he always gladly──

“I’m sorry

I’m really truly sorry but

Tomorrow night, I have a prior engagement…”

“…!”

My shoulders slumped heavily, and I almost dropped my phone.

Right after taking a step forward with new determination, it felt like I immediately twisted my ankle.

Being rejected for pairing is a first-time experience.

It was a sudden invitation, and I have no intention of blaming him at all… but wow. This might hit the mental quite hard.

In short, it’s the same as being rejected when inviting for sex.

The debut of my new battle underwear would have to wait a bit longer.