A week had passed since finishing my first experience.

Just because I discarded my virginity doesn’t mean the world changes.

My and her daily life continues to revolve as before.

As the end of the month approaches, the busyness of the sales department also accelerates.

“Manager Monou, please confirm the materials for next week’s signing event.”

“Thank you. Leave them there.”

“Manager Monou, there’s a contact from the editorial department about the department decision meeting.”

“Tell them I’ll call back from here later.”

“M-Manager Monou… But about next month’s promotional event, the department head said how about suppressing the budget and personnel more and making it small-scale…”

“…Fine. I’ll go talk to them directly later.”

Monou-san is handling work coolly and passionately today as well.

I can’t lose either.

I finished up the promotional plan materials that I had advanced halfway in one go.

After reading and confirming multiple times, I submitted them to Monou-san.

“Please confirm.”

Monou-san receives the materials and looks through them with a serious face.

While waiting in tension,

“Not bad.”

A word that makes me happy came back.

“Just the phrasing here and here, it would be better to change it. Because it’s too cliché, try twisting it a bit more. Also the selling phrase… Rather than ‘Over ○○ million copies breakthrough!’, selling with specific PV numbers or playback counts is better received now. But fixing is just that much… For the rest, contact the editorial department and try moving on your own.”

“Yes!”

I do a guts pose in my heart.

“You’re working hard, Sanzawa-kun. You cleared this month’s quota too.”

“Well, somehow just barely.”

“But don’t get carried away with this level. Quotas are originally things you should clear as a matter of course. Keep this pace and tighten your mind.”

“Y-Yes. I understand.”

It was Monou-san who is kind yet strict as usual.

Nothing changes.

Even after having a physical relationship, our relationship at work doesn’t chan—

“Wait a second.”

Monou-san stands up and stops me as I try to return to my seat.

“Your tie is crooked.”

As she says that, she reaches out her hand and presses the tie knot.

“S-Sorry.”

“Be proper. Keeping your appearance in order is also part of the job.”

It’s lightly pulled and the position of the knot is straightened.

H-How should I… This is a bit… embarrassing.

Monou-san, has she ever done something like this before?

Her body and face are quite close, and now it’s during work with everyone watching—

“…You two are close, huh.”

And.

Kutsuwa, who had come nearby, said in a wondering voice.

“—!”

With that one word, Monou-san quickly releases her hand.

“Wh-What are you saying. I just… was bothered by the disheveled clothing… It’s totally not like that.”

Her cheeks slightly flushed, Monou-san says rapidly.

“Ahaha. Right. Hey, get it together, Sanzawa.”

“O-Okay.”

After brightly laughing and patting my back, Kutsuwa takes out documents.

“Then, Manager Monou, please confirm these materials.”

“…Understood.”

Monou-san sits in her seat and looks through the handed materials.

Her expression is as usual, but her ears were still a bit red.

Even after having a physical relationship, it seems our relationship at work doesn’t go unchanged after all.

“…Was I a bit too familiar?”

In one of the warehouses used by the sales department, Monou-san and I came together.

On the evenly lined steel shelves, a large amount of materials and past promotional items are stored haphazardly.

Apparently there is something she wants to use for the afternoon meeting, so I was brought along to the warehouse by Monou-san.

While searching and organizing the warehouse on the side, she opened her mouth.

“Eh… What do you mean?”

“The tie thing.”

With a slightly apologetic voice, Monou-san says.

“It’s not like it has deep meaning? I just reached out because it bothered me, really just that…”

“It’s f-fine. I don’t mind.”

“Good then. But… Maybe I should be careful from now on. Like the sense of distance at the company. It would be troublesome if weird rumors start.”

“Ah…”

This time, it seems we don’t need to worry that much. Kutsuwa was completely as usual after that too, and didn’t seem to have sensed anything.

But well, better to be careful.

“You’d hate it too, right, Sanzawa-kun? If rumors start with someone like me at the company.”

“No, I don’t particularly… Rather, it’s an honor or something. Ahaha.”

“Honor… That’s not what I mean.”

“S-Sorry.”

I seem to have said something unnecessary.

Indeed, that’s not the point. It’s about being careful so that our relationship doesn’t get exposed by any chance.

Due to my slip of the tongue, a slightly awkward silence arrives.

As we continue the work in silence,

“…By the way.”

Monou-san standing next to me opens her mouth as if remembering.

“I heard from Kanomata-san— the reason Sanzawa-kun couldn’t digest the quota at all in the first half of this month.”

“…”

“It’s that you were helping with her work?”

“Th-That’s…”

Glared at steadily, I get stuck on words.

What was said— was the fact.

In the first half of this month, my colleague Kanomata was overwhelmed with work.

Various troubles with the editorial department and distributors overlapped, towering work that couldn’t be digested alone and was at a loss.

I couldn’t bear to watch and ended up offering a hand.

“…I thought there might be some reason.”

Monou-san says in an astonished tone.

“If there were such circumstances, why didn’t you tell me?”

“…I thought it would just sound like an excuse.”

Fact is, it’s nothing but an excuse.

Because I focused on following up for Kanomata, I neglected my own work. I thought I could somehow balance both… but that outlook was quite naive.

I seem to have overestimated my own ability too much.

“It’s not bad to help each other as sales colleagues even if sections are different.”

Monou-san says calmly.

“But if your own work becomes neglected because of that, it’s putting the cart before the horse. First, do your own work properly. And if troubled, without putting on airs, report early and seek instructions from above. Understood?”

“Yes. Understood…”

Admonished with straight logic, I had no choice but to act meek. Even after having a physical relationship, it makes me realize that we are still superior and subordinate.

No matter what happens outside the company, that relationship doesn’t change.

After that—

The target materials were found, and I summarized them in a cardboard box.

“Then, shall we go back?”

As I hold the cardboard and try to leave the warehouse,

“Ah. Wait.”

With a panicked voice, Monou-san grabs the hem of my suit from behind.

“What’s wrong?”

“That… Um.”

A bit hesitant to say, but says.

“…Tonight, can I ask you?”

The resolute attitude from earlier seems like a lie, a thin voice.

Shy yet desperately hiding it.

What she means— I understood immediately.

“If you have plans, it’s totally fine to refuse…”

“…I-It’s fine. Yes. My schedule is wide open.”

“Okay. Then please.”

Saying curtly, Monou-san walks out of the warehouse quickly.

“…”

A bit later, I start walking from the warehouse.

I feel strangely floaty. Is it embarrassing or happy… Hard to put into words, but anyway my heart soars.

Tonight, huh.

For the first time in a week, it seems I can go to her house again.

And— do what we do.

Ah geez… What is this feeling…

What kind of talk are we having at the company…?

While desperately maintaining a blank expression, I return to the office— Monou-san is at her seat, already working with her usual face.

But when our eyes meet for a moment, she slightly blushes her cheeks and quickly averts her face.

A strange awkwardness buds, then disappears into the office noise.

Our work relationship doesn’t change.

But the relationship outside of work was changing greatly.

It’s night.

The specified time was 8 o’clock.

I go home once from the company, finish dinner and change clothes, then head to her house.

“Welcome.”

Monou-san who greeted me— was still in her suit.

“Huh…?”

“Ah, this? The meeting dragged on a bit.”

Grabbing her own suit, she smiles bitterly.

“I really just got back now.”

“…Good work.”

Management positions apparently hug work incomparable to me as a regular employee.

I go into the room.

Monou-san in suit, familiar from work.

Looking at her back— I think anew.

This person really suits a suit.

Perfect fit to the body. The legs extending from the tight skirt are wrapped in black pantyhose. Usually I end up focusing on the chest, but Monou-san, her legs are really beautiful too.

At work usually, I desperately control myself not to look with weird eyes… Huh? But now it’s not work.

Here it’s just us two, and not time to work.

That means—

“Can you wait a bit? I’ll change now.”

“…Eh!”

I ended up letting out a loud voice.

Monou-san tilts her head.

“What’s wrong?”

“No, that… A-Are you changing?”

“That’s the plan though.”

“…I see. Right.”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“No… Nothing. My own thing.”

“I’m curious…”

She glares with a suspicious look.

“If you have something to say, say it clearly.”

“…Th-That.”

The pressure of her gaze is tremendous, I end up saying my true feelings.

“Today… Su…”

“Su?”

“Suit as is… Can we do it?”

“…Huh?”

Monou-san first blanks out, a few seconds later, her face turns bright red.

“…How should I say.”

After moving to the bedroom, Monou-san says.

With a voice mixed with astonishment, irritation… and shame.

“I understood recently… Sanzawa-kun, you’re actually quite a pervert.”

“…S-Sorry.”

“Doing it in suit… Geez, what are you thinking? This is normal work clothes, right? Not much exposure, no sexiness at all…”

“That’s, because it’s usual work clothes, it’s good or something?”

“…Does that mean Sanzawa-kun usually looks at me at the company with those eyes? Thinking the suit is erotic or something?”

“…I have no words to return.”

“Deny it, idiot…”

Monou-san with a troubled face.

While tensing her cheeks flushed,

“Can I take off the jacket? It’s troublesome if it gets wrinkled.”

Saying that, she takes off the suit jacket.

I swallow my breath at the revealed blouse figure.

The huge twin hills pushing up the thin fabric. Big. Still big. Monou-san in blouse is dangerous after all.

After carefully folding and placing the jacket, Monou-san sits on the bed.

I also timidly sit next to her.

“C-Can I touch…?”

“Do as you like.”

Perhaps resigned, she has a somewhat throwaway attitude.

Resolving myself, I reach out my hand.

To her thigh wrapped in pantyhose, sitting next to me.

“…Eh!?”

Perhaps unexpected, a confused voice rises.

“Th-There?”

“Is it no good?”

“It’s not… no good but.”

Since permission was given, I touch the thigh wrapped in pantyhose.

Wow… Amazing. What is this.

Smooth yet moist, a contradiction. Pantyhose have such an indescribable texture? Even though fiber is in between, the skin texture and temperature are properly conveyed. The unique synergy created by adding body and fiber quality…

This is, thigh over pantyhose…!

“…W-Wait!”

As I continue to enjoy the thigh endlessly, enchanted by the unknown texture, Monou-san voices in confusion.

“This is not good after all! Don’t touch so… earnestly.”

“Why.”

“Because… It’s embarrassing. My thighs are thick, right…”

She says really embarrassed. Even though we have overlapped our bodies, thighs are embarrassing? I don’t understand women’s values.

“N-Not thick at all.”

“…No need for flattery. Actually, they are thinner. But… recently I slacked a bit… If I get serious, soon…”

“Um… They are thick, but… thick is good, or best. Thighs, the thicker the better!”

“No way!”

During the light banter, I didn’t remove my hand from the thigh.

I can’t stop myself anymore.

Stroke, rub, knead, crawl fingers, savor the skin over pantyhose exhaustively.

“Nn…”

Monou-san gradually starts letting out sweet voices.

The hand crawling the thigh gradually ascends towards the base of the leg.

And, eventually the fingers reach the inner thigh.

Slowly slowly to the depth of the inner thigh— but, at that time.

“…No, stop already!”

Monou-san suddenly grabs my hand and appeals to stop.

“Any more… No.”

Damn.

Did I get too carried away after all.

I start regretting at a level that turns me pale but—

“Any more… Don’t tease.”

With flushed cheeks, rough breath, moist eyes she said.

The moment I understood the meaning— reason flew.

I cover her as per instinct.

Our battle ended in about an hour.

“…A bit late but…”

While fixing her disheveled hair after the act, Monou-san says.

Like deeply exhaling.

“Maybe choosing Sanzawa-kun as partner was a failure.”

“…”

“I didn’t think you were this much of a pervert. With such a pure and serious face… Geez.”

“…Ahaha.”

“Maybe I should ask a different person for child-making partner?”

“Eh!?”

“At this rate, who knows what pervert play you’ll demand next.”

“No way… W-Wait please.”

“Just kidding.”

She smiles with a chuckle at me panicking.

I was scared. I thought I really angered her.

Monou-san gets off the bed and picks up her bra.

She bends forward and stores her large breasts with familiar movements.

…What is it.

I, might really like this gesture. The way women skillfully store breasts in bra… Yeah, good. Somehow good.

I felt like staring, but since more pervert certification is troublesome, I also collect my underwear and put on clothes.

“What about today? Staying over?”

“I’ll go home. Tomorrow is a work day.”

“Right. Then I’ll prepare for tomorrow too.”

“Ah, by the way Manager Monou is…”

“From tomorrow for three days, business trip to Tohoku.”

She says with a sigh mixed. She doesn’t seem very enthusiastic.

Publisher sales isn’t a job with that many business trips, but not nonexistent. Going to local bookstores, accompanying overseas signing events, getting invited to events of famous people who published books… etc.

“Do work properly even without me, Sanzawa-kun.”

“Yes. you take care too, Manager.”

“…That.”

When finishing changing, she suddenly says.

“Sanzawa-kun, you’re always calling me that, right? ‘Manager Monou’.”

“…Eh? Yes but…”

Was it bad?

“No, not that. Calling me Manager at company is fine but… Sanzawa-kun, even outside the company is kind of…”

“…”

“That, you know… Even in bed you called me Manager… Somehow? It kills the mood or something.”

“Ah… I see.”

I finally understood what she means.

Indeed… It might ruin the mood. Even if not lovers, there might be minimum manners.

“Um… Then how about..”

After thinking a bit, I say.

“—Yuiko.”

What I called was Monou-san’s first name.

Probably first time I said it.

“…For when we are alone?”

After saying, intense regret assaults.

Because—

“…!?”

Monou-san gradually turns her face red.

“Wh-What are you thinking! Calling superior without honorific…! It’s extremely rude!”

“S-Sorry! B-But you said to change my way of calling…”

“I did say that… but even so… so, so sudden… Calling me by my first name only when we’re alone, that’s just… so…!”

Monou-san turns face bright red with anger and embarrassment.

I also became embarrassed.

“Um, then… How about ‘Monou-san’ for now?”

“…Y-Yeah. That level of distance is good. Even if you mistakenly call at company, no problem.”

It was decided as ‘Monou-san’ when it’s just the two of us.

This level of change, I can shift smoothly. Originally in my mind it was ‘Monou-san’, at company I was consciously saying title.

“… Seriously, Sanzawa-kun, you really are a bit absent-minded… This kind of carelessness leads to mistakes at work.”

Perhaps her agitation isn’t settled yet, Monou-san starts her sermon rapidly.

While smiling bitterly, in my head I was thinking something else.

Fun.

Really fun and happy.

I didn’t think I could close distance this much with Monou-san. Beyond mere superior subordinate frame, it feels like building a unique relationship.

I’m so happy—but at the same time, I’m feeling anxious.

Deep inside, another part of me says in a cold voice.

It’s all superficial, it says.

It may seem like the distance between us has narrowed, but in reality, nothing has. Even though we can now have casual conversations more than before, I can’t ask the thing I most want to ask.

—…Sanzawa-kun, I.

—Am divorced.

“Sanzawa-kun, are you listening?”

“Eh?”

“What’s wrong, spacing out like that.”

“…No.”

Nothing, I said.

The next day.

Even during lunch break, I end up thinking.

“…Can’t ask, huh.”

Sitting on the bench in the break area, holding coffee bought from vending machine, muttering alone.

Monou-san’s past.

Divorced.

Still a bit unbelievable.

That Monou-san had been married in the past.

Considering her age, it’s not strange but… She doesn’t give that impression, so I’m surprised.

Married, and divorced.

Simple in words but… Surely there were agonies and conflicts only she knows.

Her current wish— doesn’t want love or marriage but wants a child, is perhaps related to the past.

I want to know. I want to ask.

If allowed, I want to ask thoroughly.

But— not a topic to step in easily.

To me who’s not even her lover, she has no obligation to tell me.

Poking nose out of curiosity would just be annoying.

Yeah.

Right. Stop.

Even guessing this and that alone is quite rude. What Monou-san seeks from me is surely more dry and clear-cut relationship.

Yes yes. If I pry too much… Even our current relationship might end. This time seriously “Choosing Sanzawa-kun was failure” or something—

“…Hm?”

Suddenly doubt arises.

Chosen?

Monou-san chose.

Meaning… I was chosen?

When first asked for current relationship, my head was full with whether to accept or not… Come to think of it, I didn’t think about that.

Why was I— chosen as partner.

Hm.

Well, maybe no deep reason.

I was just the suitable person nearby, but if I wasn’t good enough, she would have quickly looked for someone else.

“Or maybe… she thought that since I was a virgin, I’d easily go along with it if she asked me out?”

That would be complicated—

“Ah, Sanzawa-kun.”

As I was sinking in thought, she called.

Colleague Kanomata.

“You’re here. On break?”

“Well, something like that.”

“Then I’ll take a break too.”

Buys drink from vending machine, sits on nearby chair.

“What’s up? Looked like you were deep in thought.”

“Various things.”

“Hmm? Today Manager Monou’s not here, so thought you’d be relaxing.”

She says teasingly.

Hmm. She still has that strong ‘empress’ image at company, Monou-san.

For me personally, recently that image is completely gone.

“She’s not like a demon sergeant, Manager Monou.”

“Well yeah. Strict but kind. Somehow cool.”

Then I suddenly remember,

“Ah, by the way Kanomata, you told Manager Monou about that.”

I said.

That— me helping her with work.

“…Ah, sorry, I fessed up”

Tee hee, says with bitter smile.

“Couldn’t keep silent after all. Because Sanzawa-kun got scolded by Manager Monou because of that, right?”

“Scolded or… Well cautioned.”

“Really sorry, troubling you because of me…”

“Don’t mind. I helped on my own.”

“But…”

“Manager Monou isn’t really that angry. Well, she is, but she’s not yelling out of pure emotion. She’s actually thinking about her subordinates and encouraging and guiding them. She’s not like other people who are just strict–”

Saying that much, I suddenly notice.

Kanomata staring with unamused face.

“…Sanzawa-kun, you have an unusually high loyalty to Manager Monou, right?”

“I-Is that so?”

“When everyone complains about Manager Monou, you never join in. Even though direct subordinates are most scolded.”

“Th-That’s because I’m still immature and get scolded…”

“Actually, recently… Manager Monou and you seem a little closer, don’t you? I feel like you two are a little closer than before.”

I involuntarily stiffen.

“Manager Monou, when talking to you, her expression’s a bit softer.”

“N-No way.”

My voice ended up high-pitched.

Bad. Very bad.

Is it still seeping out somewhere?

Special aura only emitted by man and woman who crossed the line.

“N-Nothing changed… Not close at all. Rather I want to ask how to get close… Ahaha.”

“…Hmm. Well, whatever. Not like I’m always watching you two either.”

After lightly shrugging,

“Anyway, thanks for various stuff. I’ll treat you next time.”

Kanomata says, switching topics.

“Speaking of, Sanzawa-kun, you should go drinking more.”

“Hm?”

“Not exactly a mixer but, I’m planning a get-together for a few drinks with some single men and women my age who aren’t dating.”

“…What else is that supposed to be other than a mixer?”

I lightly retort, then,

“I’ll pass on that. Troublesome if asked for my brother’s autograph.”

I said.

I have experience with mixer-like events a few times, but honestly no good memories.

Mostly becomes brother’s talk.

Even if I kept quiet, the other guys would start a conversation about it, bombarding me with questions like, “What does the athlete Haru Shunichirō do on a daily basis?” and “Do you know any soccer players?”

At its worst, I’m forced to do an imitation of the commercial my older brother was in.

“Hmm, what’s that? Isn’t that a bit low on self-esteem?”

Kanomata says dissatisfied.

“Maybe there are girls who are just interested in you as an individual, not in your brother?”

Are there really people like that?

I’d be happy if there were.

“Well, I understand the feeling of distrusting women. Girls who are aggressive are amazing. They become full-on carnivores.”

Kanomata says with a bitter smile.

“I know someone like that. She’s a girl who is enthusiastic and says, ‘I’m definitely going to marry a professional baseball player!’ She’s now working as a model with an agency, but it seems like she frequents the clubs and lounges where celebrities like that hang out.”

“Heeh.”

“Her dream is to have a child who is a professional baseball player, and for that child to also become a professional baseball player. And then she’ll become famous as a celebrity mom.”

“That specific, rather want to cheer.”

I say lightly laughing.

“But, you know, just because your parents are professional baseball players doesn’t mean that talent is inherited. My brother and I share similar genes, but there’s a big difference in our talents…”

There.

Noticed.

Noticed it.

“—!”

Like jumping, I stand up vigorously.

“Eh? Wh-What?”

“…Sorry. I remembered something urgent.”

Unable to sit still, I walk out from break area.

But, didn’t know where to go.

Still, couldn’t stay still.

“…”

Ah, I see. That’s it.

Understood. Understood it.

But didn’t want to understand.

“…Haha.”

Dry laugh leaks.

Could only laugh.

I’m embarrassed at myself wondering why I was ‘chosen’.

Too conceited.

To her, me as an individual doesn’t matter.

I am just a device to spit out excellent sperm.

In the end, even at such time I— was only brother’s substitute.