Chapter 22: I’m Not Entirely Without Resolve 

 

♢♢♢

 

“Ugh, uuu……”

Hamanami presses her hands to her eyes, sniffling loudly.

“What’s wrong, why’re crying like that? It’s not like you.”

“Uuu…… uuu……”

“You came all the way to Tokyo. Why not lift your head? It’s nostalgic, isn’t it? You and me in Tokyo together—it’s almost like we’re back in high school.”

That’s right. We’d taken the shinkansen to Tokyo. Now, we’d just gotten off and were walking along the platform to transfer to a local train.

It’s been a while since I returned to Tokyo, but Hamanami’s been crying the whole time.

“Uuu, uuu.”

Her geta clack against the station floor as we walk. I’m a university student in Kyoto now, but I used to live in Tokyo. That’s what’s different from back then.

“Uuu~ uuu~”

That’s how we change, I suppose. As time passes, we take on new things, drifting away from where we once stood. Even if we stay in the same place, we ourselves change. No, even the place itself changes.

The station’s interior had transformed in the few years I’d been in Kyoto. More shops, cleaner, brighter.

“U, u, u.”

“Hamanami, how long are you gonna cry? If you keep going ‘uuu, uuu’ like that, it’s almost like you’re some small, cute—”

“Shut up~!!”

Hamanami lets out a scream.

“Whose fault do you think this is?!”

“Probably mine, huh?”

Not probably, definitely! Hamanami raises her voice.

“I went through something terrifying in the mountains!”

When the rescue team arrived at the mountain cabin, Hamanami was there. She’d been flustered, panicking at the sight of Touno and Fukuda-kun.

“You did it, didn’t you? You went at it like crazy with Hayasaka-senpai, right?”

“Isn’t that phrasing a bit too direct?”

“So, your ex-girlfriend saw you after you went at it with your current girlfriend, and you flaunted that scene in front of your best friend who’s in love with your ex, right?”

“Well, yeah—sorry about that.”

The details and our true feelings were entirely different, but the outcome was as she said. From the outside, it could only look the way Hamanami described.

“Uuu, uuu~”

Hamanami starts crying again, like some small, adorable creature.

“Why did it come to this…… Where did I go wrong……”

“Come on, don’t get so down. Look, we’re all here in Tokyo together.”

“Well, yeah, I guess.”

Ahead of me and Hamanami, the usual group is walking: Touno, Miyamae, Hayasaka-san, Tachibana-san, Daidouji-san, and Fukuda-kun.

We’d all come along for Touno’s important match in Tokyo.

“Oh my, Miyamae-san, it’s your first time in Tokyo, isn’t it? Look at her, so excited. Touno-san’s, as usual, eyeing all the station food. Fukuda-san’s overwhelmed by the crowds and getting helped by Daidouji-san. Hayasaka-senpai and Tachibana-senpai are total city girls, walking so confidently. Everyone’s getting along, having fun—”

At that point, Hamanami’s face goes blank.

Then, with her usual warm-up grunts—unsho, unsho—she shouts.

“INSANITY!”

Hamanami continues.

“Why are they all acting so friendly? After what happened in the mountains, when Kirishima-senpai went at it with the girl his best friend loves right in front of his girlfriend—a situation where knives could’ve been drawn! How is everyone just chatting like it’s nothing?”

My head’s gonna explode! Hamanami screams.

“Is Touno-san still dating Kirishima-san? Does Fukuda-san still think of Kirishima-san as a friend?”

“Well, about that—”

When we were rescued in the mountains, Touno’s face was utterly devoid of expression. But when she visited my hospital room while I was resting, she smiled warmly.

“I’m so glad you’re okay, Kirishima-san.”

As I hesitated, Touno continued with that same calm expression.

“Oh, are you worried about me seeing you and Hayasaka-san holding each other? It’s fine, it’s fine. You couldn’t stay in wet clothes, right? It was for survival. No way I’d care. I’m your girlfriend, after all. My position’s different. Hayasaka-san doesn’t matter to me. You only held her because you had to, right? For survival. You didn’t want to, but you had to hold that untrained, flabby, vulgar body, right?”

All I could do was nod. And when I did, Touno looked delighted.

I stayed in the hospital for just one day and was discharged the next. My body temperature had dropped, but it returned to normal quickly, with no major issues.

Back in Kyoto, the incident with Hayasaka-san was treated as if it never happened. No one dared bring it up.

If Touno chose not to mention it, no one else could either.

Fukuda-kun, too, only said, “……I’m glad you and Hayasaka-san are okay,” with an awkward smile when I was discharged.

On the surface, nothing seemed wrong.

Hayasaka-san lives alone in a seaside town, far from Kyoto.

In that extreme situation in the mountains, we’d shared feelings we’d kept silent. But we agreed we didn’t want to hurt anyone with those feelings or destroy our current relationships.

So, Hayasaka-san and I hadn’t contacted or met each other since.

The mountain incident had undoubtedly caused some cracks in my relationships with Touno and Fukuda-kun. But as long as Hayasaka-san and I kept our distance and maintained the status quo, those cracks would eventually heal.

However—

One night,

While I was at Touno’s place, the topic of the Tokyo trip came up. It was a promise that everyone would come to cheer, right? As I nodded, Touno suddenly picked up her phone and made a call.

The call was to Hayasaka-san.

“Touno……-san?”

Hayasaka-san’s voice, audible through the phone, sounded bewildered.

Touno, skipping pleasantries, mentioned the Tokyo trip.

“Of course, you’re coming too, right, Hayasaka-san?”

“Huh……?”

“We’re friends, aren’t we? That was the promise.”

The Tokyo trip had been discussed during the kotatsu hotpot. Afterward, it wasn’t just me—everyone decided to go cheer.

And, Touno continued in a bright voice.

“Fukuda-san’s coming too, you know? You said before, didn’t you, Hayasaka-san? That you’d seriously consider Fukuda-san’s feelings.”

“……Yeah.”

“So, you’ll come, right? Fukuda-san said he wants to see the town where you spent your high school years. Isn’t going together a sign of sincerity?”

“……You’re right. Okay, I’ll go.”

And so, it was decided we’d all go to Touno’s match, which is why we’re walking through Tokyo Station now.

After explaining this, Hamanami says simply:

“Scary!”

Is it? I ask.

“Touno and Hayasaka-san seem to get along fine.”

Touno, walking ahead, is chatting cheerfully with Hayasaka-san. For a while, Touno had avoided talking to Hayasaka-san, sticking close to Tachibana-san, who posed no threat to her relationship with me.

But on this trip, Touno sat next to Hayasaka-san on the shinkansen, sharing snacks.

However—

“No way that’s true!!”

Hamanami exclaims.

“From what you just told me, Touno-san’s darkness is already glaringly obvious! From someone as wholesome as her!”

She’s right. I know it too.

“Normally, you’d want to avoid Hayasaka-san and tell you not to see her either. But inviting her on a trip together? That’s pure terror!”

Hayasaka-san, feeling guilty about the mountain incident, had likely planned to fade out of our Kyoto circle. But Touno pulled her back.

“She’s definitely planning something!”

After shouting, Hamanami looks apologetic.

“I kinda feel like my Eight Trigrams Formation is partly to blame.”

“That’s not true.”

“No, it probably is. I can tell. So, as a strategist, I’ll make one final move.”

With that, Hamanami lifts her head.

“Touno-san will probably want to visit places in Tokyo tied to your memories with Hayasaka-san. She’ll overwrite those memories and show Hayasaka-san that she’s your girlfriend.”

“Probably.”

Listen, Hamanami says.

“You and Hayasaka-senpai need to endure it. Satisfy Touno-san. She has every right and justification to do this, and if it helps her darkness fade, isn’t that for the best?”

“Got it. I’ll be a good remote-controlled robot this time too.”

“Kirishima-san, just to confirm one more time—you’re aiming for a soft landing, right? No one gets hurt, and you protect our Kyoto relationships, right?”

Hamanami’s words remind me of the day before the trip, when Daidouji-san invited me fishing.

While fishing together, Daidouji-san said:

“I’ve lived longer than you guys. Over time, you realize what you thought were convictions were mistakes, dreams were illusions, and sworn friendships were childish promises.”

But, Daidouji-san continued.

“I hope we can all go to Tanegashima ten years from now. That’s my honest wish.”

After saying that, he quietly cast his fishing line in silence.

Daidouji-san seemed to sense something was happening among us.

The promise of Tanegashima ten years from now.

On that night at the field, watching the tiny red light of Daidouji-san’s rocket in the sky, we all promised to go together.

Protect our Kyoto relationships, right?

To Hamanami’s question, I nod deeply.

“Of course.”

 

♢♢♢

 

Touno’s cheer trip was a one-night, two-day affair. We could only be with her until we joined her pre-match practice on the first day, that night, and when we returned the next day.

Right after arriving in Tokyo, we decided to grab lunch.

“Let’s go to that burger shop Kirishima-san used to visit!”

Touno said. It was the place Hayasaka-san and I often went to after school in high school, a shop serving huge, authentic burgers with big buns and patties. Hayasaka-san had recommended it herself during the kotatsu hotpot.

And from here, Touno’s instincts kicked into high gear.

The moment we entered, Touno sat in the chair Hayasaka-san used to favor.

“Hehe, I’ve intruded on Kirishima-san’s memories.”

The burger Touno chose from the menu was Hayasaka-san’s favorite from high school.

“But as your girlfriend, I’ll be with you for a long time, Kirishima-san. We’ll visit each other’s hometowns, and Tokyo will become our place too.”

Then, Touno turned to Hayasaka-san.

“Have you been here before, Hayasaka-san?”

“Uh—”

Hayasaka-san had been staring blankly into space but snapped back at Touno’s words.

“…………This place is pretty famous.”

“Is that so? Well, I guess I’ve shown up here now.”

“……It’s not like it’s my shop or anything.”

Hayasaka-san said, eating her oversized burger elegantly with a knife and fork.

Tachibana-san, cool as ever, squashed her burger flat with the paper wrapper and ate it American-style, just like in high school.

Miyamae, proud, said, “I’m used to Sasebo burgers!” and dug in confidently.

Hamanami looked terrified.

After lunch, we decided to get tea. Touno wanted to see my old high school later, so we headed to a café nearby. The one Touno picked was Hayasaka-san’s favorite, known for its delicious tea.

“You’ve been to this shop before, right, Kirishima-san?”

“Yeah.”

“Thinking of you here in your school uniform feels kinda profound.”

After sitting down and getting our tea, Touno looked around the shop.

Stylish antique furniture filled the space.

“Doesn’t really feel like a place a high school boy would come to alone.”

“Well—”

“It’s fine, it’s fine.”

Touno waved her hand.

“This place will become mine and Kirishima-san’s too.”

After relaxing at the café, we went to my old high school as planned. Even as an alumnus, you can’t just waltz in, so Touno and I took a photo together in front of the gate.

On the way back from the school, we stopped at a convenience store for snacks.

“It’s like I’m walking home from school with you, Kirishima-san.”

Touno was holding a nikuman. Hayasaka-san’s winter go-to. Hayasaka-san, declining, only bought coffee.

“I’m glad I got to know a bit of your roots, Kirishima-san. Teach me more and more!”

When we reached the station, Touno said that. Then we split up. Touno had to go to her team’s practice, and until the match, everyone was free to do what they wanted.

Everyone had places in Tokyo they wanted to visit, so we scattered.

“We made it through, somehow.”

On the station platform, I speak to an exhausted-looking Hamanami.

“Yeah, on the surface, things are holding together. But—”

At that, Hamanami’s eyes snap open wide.

“I overheard something.”

While Touno was clinging to my arm as my girlfriend, visiting all those places tied to my high school memories, Hayasaka-san kept a neutral expression the whole time.

But Hamanami says she caught words Hayasaka-san muttered under her breath.

Feels like…… those high school days are coming back……

She’d said it while staring into the void, apparently.

“This………… gives me a bad feeling!”

Hamanami says. But—

“No, I believe it’ll be fine.”

Certain places can stir up emotions, sure. But that’s just a kind of nostalgia—it’s not like we can truly return to those days.

“Hayasaka-san didn’t try to compete with Touno or kick me under the table or anything.”

She just looked a little lonely, that’s all.

We both know what we need to do. We stopped contacting each other, and even on this trip, we haven’t shown the closeness we used to have. There’s no doubt we’re both aiming for a peaceful future.

And besides Touno and Hayasaka-san, there’s someone else I need to consider.

“Kirishima-kun, got a sec?”

As I’m talking with Hamanami, that person calls out to me.

“I want to talk, just the two of us.”

His expression is gentle, but there’s a hint of intensity in his demeanor.

That’s right—Fukuda-kun.

 

♢♢♢

 

When we go for walks in Kyoto, we always head to the Philosopher’s Path. You can feel the charm of the ancient capital through the seasons.

When Fukuda-kun asked if there was a place like that in Tokyo, I suggested Ueno Park. It’s got a zoo, museums, an art gallery, a field, and a pond. In spring, the cherry blossoms bloom.

But instead of going straight to Ueno Park, we first took the metro to Hongou.

Since it’s Fukuda-kun’s first time in Tokyo, I thought it’d be good for him to see the prestigious university there. We took a commemorative photo in front of the main gate, then started walking along the calm, tree-lined street toward Ueno.

“Where did Daidouji-san go, I wonder?”

When I ask, Fukuda-kun says he went to a space exhibit.

“Said he’s gonna buy a ton of space curry.”

“Oh, that curry made for astronauts?”

We walk along the university’s walls. Fukuda-kun’s gaze is mostly downcast, though he occasionally glances at the buildings.

“The Imperial University that shows up in literature—this is the one, right?”

“Yeah.”

As we head from Hongou Street toward Tatsuokachou, Shinobazu Pond comes into view. People are happily rowing boats. The breeze ripples the water’s surface.

We circle Shinobazu Pond on our way to Ueno Park.

We’re walking in silence, but as Ueno Park comes into sight, Fukuda-kun speaks.

“It’s about Hayasaka-san.”

I figured, I think. As I wait for him to continue, he pauses before speaking again.

“Do you think…… my love for her will ever come true?”

I pause too, then answer, “I don’t know.” Honestly, I don’t.

But—

“Since coming back from the mountains, I’ve gone to see Hayasaka-san a few times.”

“What?”

That’s news to me.

“I went to her seaside town. I didn’t tell you or the others. I thought it was something I had to do on my own.”

Apparently, he contacted her after arriving at the station. Hayasaka-san was surprised but came to pick him up in her car.

“We went to the beach and talked. I told her I couldn’t stop thinking about her, that I love her, that I think about her every night.”

Fukuda-kun started visiting her seaside town regularly, traveling hours after university classes.

Hayasaka-san would smile awkwardly each time she saw him, but gradually, they grew closer, walking along the beach together.

And once, he says, he hugged her on the beach.

“I held her tightly and begged her to be my girlfriend. Just walking together wasn’t enough anymore. I didn’t want anyone else to have her.”

Hayasaka-san didn’t resist, but she didn’t put her arms around him either. And she said:

I still don’t know my own feelings. I really don’t know what to do.

Then she slipped out of his arms.

“I hugged a girl who’s unsure of her feelings without her consent. I know that’s not okay. But feeling her in my arms—I couldn’t forget that sensation for a while.”

It’s uncontrollable, Fukuda-kun says.

“You mentioned the mere exposure effect, Kirishima-kun, and I think it’s real. The more I see Hayasaka-san, the more I love her. Her voice, her gestures, everything about her is dear to me.”

Hayasaka-san, though she didn’t return his embrace, gradually lost her initial reserve. Her demeanor softened, she smiled more, and she started sharing things about her life in Tokyo, things she hadn’t talked about before.

“Hayasaka-san laughed and mentioned the mere exposure effect too. I don’t know why she knew the same psychological term as you. Maybe it’s a well-known effect, or maybe it’s just a coincidence.”

Either way, Fukuda-kun says.

“I think we’ve gotten fairly close. And then, that night happened.”

That day, Hayasaka-san was late coming back from a university drinking party. Still, Fukuda-kun went to see her without making plans.

He waited on the cold beach, chilled to the bone.

“I don’t know why I did it. But I think it’s because I had no other choice.”

It was too late for trains.

Seeing Fukuda-kun shivering, Hayasaka-san looked troubled for a moment before asking, Want to stay at my place until the trains start running?

“Of course, I nodded. From then on, it felt unreal. I was in Hayasaka-san’s room. I warmed up in the bath she prepared for me.”

While Hayasaka-san was in the bath, Fukuda-kun says he read a novel to pass the time.

“Honestly, I couldn’t focus on the words. But I didn’t dare look around her room. It felt wrong somehow. I could hear the shower, and it threw me into a panic.”

Hayasaka-san came back to the room with slightly damp hair, wearing pajamas.

“I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Her skin, slightly flushed from the bath and a bit of alcohol, looked so soft……”

Apparently, the outline of her underwear was visible through her pajamas.

“I knew it was rude to stare, but I couldn’t help it…… Do you think less of me?”

“No, that’s…… just how it is.”

And so, Fukuda-kun says.

“I pushed Hayasaka-san onto the bed. And that night, I stayed with her.”

We climb the steps to Ueno Park.

We keep walking. The park is bustling with families and couples. There’s a zoo, museums, an art gallery, a field. Some people are painting, others performing street acts.

“It’s a very cultured place.”

Fukuda-kun says, and I nod, “Yeah.”

“Tachibana-san’s art university is nearby too.”

“You seem more at home walking around Ueno than Kyoto’s Hyakumanben, Kirishima-kun. Maybe because it’s where you grew up.”

“Maybe.”

The park, dappled with sunlight filtering through the trees, feels truly peaceful. I try to imagine the lives of the people passing by—what they do, why they’re here today.

“Don’t you want to know what happened that night at Hayasaka-san’s place?”

Fukuda-kun says.

I look at him. His expression is neutral, his gaze fixed ahead. After a few more steps, I say, “Tell me the rest.”

Fukuda-kun pauses before speaking.

“Nothing happened.”

When he pushed her onto the bed, Hayasaka-san looked surprised, then quickly turned her face away.

She briefly raised her arms, as if to accept him, but then covered her face with her hands and apologized, saying, I’m sorry for making you misunderstand.

“I really love Hayasaka-san. I wanted to hold her, kiss her, and more. But she still couldn’t forget the person she loved in high school.”

That night, Fukuda-kun didn’t touch her again. They just talked. Hayasaka-san didn’t name the person she loved but opened up honestly about her feelings.

“She said she has to forget that person, giving a weak smile. She said she shouldn’t keep loving someone who has a girlfriend, someone she shouldn’t hold onto. And she asked me, Right?”

Apparently, she asked, You shouldn’t love someone who’s happy with their girlfriend, right?

“I told Hayasaka-san clearly.”

Fukuda-kun says he answered with firm resolve.

“You shouldn’t try to take someone who has a girlfriend. You shouldn’t do something that cruel, even for your own sake.”

Those words seemed to hit Hayasaka-san hard, and she repeated, You’re right, you’re right.

“My words didn’t come from some sense of justice. I just love Hayasaka-san and wanted her to turn to me.”

“You said that with full awareness, with deliberate bias.”

“Exactly.”

From Fukuda-kun’s perspective, Hayasaka-san understands this logically but is struggling to act on it.

“That person from her past is still hurting her.”

“…………Maybe so.”

“So I’m going to help Hayasaka-san forget him. I told her that. I’ll make her forget.”

Hey, Kirishima-kun, Fukuda-kun says, turning to me after looking straight ahead the whole time.

“I’m really going to do it. Hayasaka-san wants to forget. She’s wavering. I feel like if I push hard enough, I can make it happen. What do you think, Kirishima-kun? Can I do it? Should I?”

“That’s…… what you’re trying to do—”

I didn’t know how to respond. So I asked,

“Is this about the exam requirements on your desk?”

Fukuda-kun nods, “Yeah.”

The other day, when I was at Fukuda-kun’s place, I noticed materials on his desk about transferring to another university starting in his third year. The university was Hayasaka-san’s.

Fukuda-kun is planning to transfer to her university.

Compared to our university, Hayasaka-san’s has fewer resources and a less robust academic environment.

Fukuda-kun enrolled in our university because his parents are farmers, and he wanted to study agriculture to ease their burden. From that perspective, staying at our university makes more sense.

But saying that felt incredibly tactless. So I only said one thing.

“Is that okay?”

“Yeah……”

For a moment, Fukuda-kun’s eyes flickered with hesitation. But then, with a face full of resolve, he said,

“It might be tough. I might have to give up a lot. Accepting my own foolishness or doing something forceful—it’ll be painful for me.”

But—

“I’m not entirely without resolve.”

We part ways at the National Museum of Western Art. Fukuda-kun says he wants to think alone.

But it’s less about thinking and more about solidifying his resolve.

To win Hayasaka-san, Fukuda-kun is willing to cast aside the person he’s built himself to be, even his academic path.

Hayasaka-san believes she needs to move on from her past love and is vulnerable to pressure. At our parting, Fukuda-kun spoke as if convincing himself he’d push forward aggressively.

In the end, I couldn’t say anything to stop him.

Logically, he should stay at our university.

There’s no guarantee Hayasaka-san will turn to him.

But—

Hayasaka-san’s a tough one. I’m her high school lover, so I know. You’d be better off valuing the path you’ve walked so far.

I couldn’t say something like that.

I couldn’t cheer him on or stop him. After parting with Fukuda-kun, all I could do was keep walking.

Even more foolishly, I imagine Hayasaka-san in her seaside town, in that apartment, loving Fukuda-kun.

Fukuda-kun pours his intense feelings into her lips, her soft body, letting his emotions take over. Hayasaka-san, trying to forget me, lets him hold her, showing him the face she once showed only me.

I know how to stop that future from happening.

All I have to do is throw everything away and choose Hayasaka-san right now.

But thinking that way, despite having Touno, makes me an utter idiot. Still, the fact that Fukuda-kun secretly visited Hayasaka-san’s seaside town and spent a night with her undeniably shook me.

What should I do?

What should I say to Fukuda-kun?

As my thoughts spin, the match time approaches, and I head to the sports complex.

We all cheer, but the cheers feel distant somehow.

Touno wins her match, as expected, and that night, the usual group gathers at an izakaya for a victory celebration.

Normally, Touno prioritizes her club’s drinking parties over me, and I’m fine with that. But this time, she skips it to join us.

There’s only one reason.

Touno’s worried sick about me and Hayasaka-san being together. Even at the izakaya, she firmly claims the seat next to me.

The situation is definitely messy.

But what’s needed here isn’t naivety or some clichéd sentimentality about wrestling with past and present, friendship and love.

What I need to do hasn’t changed.

If my relationship with Touno stabilizes, the peace in Kyoto will be preserved. Hayasaka-san and I have an unspoken agreement on this. Even Fukuda-kun won’t get hurt.

So, what’s needed in this moment?

It’s not brooding or overthinking.

Pondering deeply and thinking hard might seem good on the surface, but they lead to indecision, and when it comes to achieving goals, they’re surprisingly ineffective.

So, what’s truly needed right now—

“Booze.”

I say, and Hamanami, picking at her takowasa across the table, tilts her head.

“What about alcohol?”

“Yeah. We’re gonna need a ton of it.”

With that, I chug my drink. That’s right—I’ll lean on the power of alcohol. I down my beer in big gulps.

“Hey!!”

Hamanami hurriedly jumps in with a retort.

“Kirishima, what are you doing in a moment like this?!”

“I’m throwing reason out the window!”

“That’s the last thing we need right now!!”

No, she’s wrong. What we need is momentum. Reason’s useless. We need the drive to charge toward our goal.

With the power of alcohol, I’ll complete Hamanami’s Eight Trigrams Formation with sheer momentum.

I keep chugging.

We’re at a Kyushu-style izakaya, and Miyamae, watching me, unleashes her inner Kyushu girl.

“Drink more, y’hear!”

She says, starting to mix shochu with hot water.

“I’ll whip up a bunch for ya!”

When someone who doesn’t usually drink starts chugging, it can lighten the mood. That’s what’s happening now. My relentless drinking creates a cheerful vibe, and Miyamae’s the first to get swept up in it.

In high spirits, she makes shochu hot toddies and sets them in front of Hayasaka-san and Tachibana-san. They’re called hot toddies, but there’s so much shochu they’re practically on the rocks.

“Stop dropping drinks like a bomber!!”

Hamanami yells.

“There are tons of people here who’ll cause trouble if they get drunk!”

But her cries are in vain—Hayasaka-san and Tachibana-san both down their shochu in one gulp.

Their eyes glaze over.

“Aaaah, scary~!”

Hamanami starts crying. But—

“It’s just a little drink.”

Hayasaka-san says coolly, her face flushed.

“Some days you’re just in the mood, right?”

Beside her, Tachibana-san nods in agreement. They keep drinking the shochu Miyamae keeps making—hot toddies, water mixers, soda mixers. As they get nicely buzzed, they burst into laughter at Daidouji-san’s classic story about nearly burning down his lab.

The fun atmosphere spreads further.

“Yeah, this is nice. This is the vibe. I’ll drink too!”

Fukuda-kun joins in, downing Miyamae’s shochu.

That’s right—everyone wants to have fun and get along. Sure, there are issues. But if we get drunk and act like idiots, everything’ll be fine.

I lean on the momentum of alcohol. Nobody stop me.

“That’s the plan, right? I’m trusting you, Kirishima-san!”

Finally, Hamanami chugs her shochu too.

We drown our worries and feelings in alcohol, washing them down. One drink becomes two, two becomes three, and everyone gets dumber by the minute.

“As expected, light soy sauce is the way to go.”

Daidouji-san says, nibbling on sashimi, and Miyamae instantly flares up like a water heater.

“No way it’s better than sweet soy sauce!”

Thus begins the Great Soy Sauce Debate, splitting us into factions, turning into a chaotic brawl with skewers and sake cups flying, and everyone laughing.

Before I know it, Touno’s leaning against me. When our eyes meet, she blushes for a moment, as if snapping back to herself.

The vibe here, and I myself, are completely carried by the alcohol. So—

I pull Touno’s shoulder closer.

“Kirishima-san!?”

Normally, I’d never do this in public. But I need to reassure Touno as her boyfriend. I need to restore her balance.

So, with the buzz of alcohol, I do this in front of Hayasaka-san.

With the power of booze, with that momentum, I’ll fully commit to making Touno feel secure.

That’s my strategy. In other words, drunken fist.

“You two are too much!”

A tipsy Miyamae throws up her hands in surrender.

“Seriously!”

Hayasaka-san laughs awkwardly. Tachibana-san shrugs, as if to say, What can you do?

Somehow, the mood shifts to chanting for a kiss.

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

I might’ve heard that chant, or maybe I didn’t. Either way, I feel like an idiot right now, so I kiss Touno in front of everyone, saying, “I love you, I love you.”

College-kid, carefree energy.

What I’m doing is probably stupid.

But sometimes, you need to be stupid on purpose. Because right now, what’s required is taking action to reassure Touno, no matter what.

Lights, camera, action.

So I play the fool. Gotta dance or you’ll lose.

It pays off—Touno says,

“I’m your girlfriend, right, Kirishima-san?”

“Of course.”

“……Your high school love is over, right?”

Riding the drunken wave, I say,

“That was just a youthful misunderstanding.”

The rest of the night is a cheerful, drunken mess of a party.

I keep stroking Touno’s head as she leans against me. We’re a cringey couple, but so what? This will wrap everything up neatly.

After the drinking session, I stop by a convenience store alone, sipping water to sober up.

Everyone was in good spirits.

Hayasaka-san, Tachibana-san, and even Miyamae might’ve had their own thoughts. But seeing me stick with Touno, my stance was clear. And knowing that, they let themselves laugh along with the drunken vibe.

It should be fine now.

Hamanami, the Eight Trigrams Formation is a success. We’re heading straight for a slightly bittersweet ending.

I think, looking at the moon.

Finishing my water in front of the convenience store, I head to the hotel. Touno booked a room separate from her teammates, just for herself, so we could spend time together.

As her boyfriend, I figured I’d seal the deal by staying with her.

But when I get to the room—

“Huh?”

I can’t help but let out a sound.

Touno’s not alone—Hayasaka-san is there too. Both are sitting on the bed, chugging canned chu-hi, their eyes glazed over.

“What? What’s going on!?”

“I invited her,”

Touno answers.

“I said, ‘Kirishima-san’s coming, so let’s keep drinking together, the three of us.’”

They’re technically “drinking again,” but both Touno and Hayasaka-san are slumped on the sheets, faces flushed from alcohol, glaring at each other with a low growl.

“What’s about to happen? A drunken duel!?”

As I stand there baffled, Touno whispers to me.

“It’s the Neighbor’s Lawn Space Strategy. We’ll be even more lovey-dovey in front of Hayasaka-san. That’ll make her want a boyfriend and turn to Fukuda-san. It’s an assist for him.”

She thinks she’s whispering, but Touno’s drunken voice is loud enough for Hayasaka-san to hear everything.

As Touno heads to the fridge for more drinks, Hayasaka-san leans in with a smile and whispers.

“Show me. Show me you two being all lovey-dovey. Go ahead. It’s just a ‘youthful misunderstanding’ with me, right?”

I can tell—Hayasaka-san’s pretty pissed.

“Kirishima-kun, you’re Touno-san’s boyfriend, right? No lingering feelings for me, right? Then show me. Break my heart, crush it completely. That way, there won’t be any more trouble, right? I’m fine with that—I want it.”

“I don’t think that’s a good vibe!”

As I say this, Touno returns, arms full of canned chu-hi.

“Kirishima-san, over here.”

Touno and Hayasaka-san are sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing each other, and I’m positioned next to Touno.

Thus begins a bizarre battle of the women.

I thought I’d cleverly handled Touno’s insecurities with the help of alcohol. But it seems the booze has pulled the pin on both Touno’s and Hayasaka-san’s rationality, fanning the flames of their conflict instead.

As I sober up, I realize, yeah, that makes sense.

Throughout history, I’ve heard plenty of stories about alcohol leading to failure, but never success.

 

♢♢♢

 

The afterparty in the hotel room starts, and Touno immediately goes on the offensive against Hayasaka-san.

“Christmas is coming up, huh?”

She says, clinging to me.

“Having a boyfriend is nice. You’re never lonely.”

A metallic crunch rings out. Hayasaka-san’s can is dented in the shape of her fingers.

“Going somewhere together?”

Hayasaka-san asks with her signature strained smile.

“We’ll buy a cake, hang out at my place, and exchange presents.”

“Huh, that’s nice. If it were me, I’d do something more romantic!”

Hayasaka-san hits back hard. But—

“We can’t spend too much money. After all, we’re going to my family’s place for New Year’s. I’m introducing Kirishima-san to them. When you think about the future, it’s good to do things like that.”

Touno lands a sharp counter.

Hayasaka-san’s response—

“Come to think of it, I brought someone I liked to my family’s place in high school. My mom really liked him.”

A devastating memory shot.

“I went to his place too. First time I’d been in a guy’s room. I think he said it was his first time having a girl over too. Everything was a first for both of us, so exciting.”

Unlike me, neither Touno nor Hayasaka-san has sobered up, so their rationality is gone, and their verbal sparring is getting intense. It’s a drunken war.

“Teenage love is special, don’t you think?”

Hayasaka-san chugs her drink, her face red, eyes fixed.

“It’s youth, after all. That sharp, fleeting sensitivity you only have then, loving someone with all you’ve got for the first time—it’s always special. I think it’s special for them too. I mean, I was their first for visiting their family, for being in their room—everything. Hehe.”

Touno’s response—

“Kirishima-san, let’s kiss.”

“That’s a serious power play.”

“We have to make Hayasaka-san jealous. It’s the Neighbor’s Lawn Strategy. This is for Fukuda-san’s sake. And besides, it’s only natural for a couple.”

I glance at Hayasaka-san.

“Yeah, show me. Show me a kiss so jealous-worthy it breaks me, makes me cry my eyes out.”

She says with a smile. This is bad—it’s unstoppable now.

“Alright, but hold on a sec.”

this time for a different reason.

To pass out.

 

Hayasaka-san’s been drinking at a crazy pace. She watches me and Touno cling to each other, crushes her can, and opens another, over and over.

If we both get drunk and pass out, there’s no way a fight can happen.

I drink like an idiot again. And I kiss Touno. My commitment to reassuring her hasn’t changed.

“Kirishima-san……”

Touno presses her heated body against me, kissing me, slipping in her tongue. Not a playful kiss, but one meant to convey love when we’re alone. Yet she’s doing it to show Hayasaka-san, to tell her she’s the girlfriend, to make it clear.

“Go on, show me more, more.”

Hayasaka-san says. But—

“Like at the izakaya, I don’t think this is something to do in front of people!”

She throws in a check. But Touno brushes it off, saying, “No choice.”

“We’re a couple in love. I love him so much I can’t stand it.”

With that, Touno continues the passionate kiss.

“Well, fine,”

Hayasaka-san says, crushing another can.

“I did plenty of that with the person I loved in high school. So many special first kisses.”

Now Touno’s eyes harden.

“Firsts, huh…… So, did you do that too? The ultimate act of love?”

A probing, cautious question. In response, Hayasaka-san—

“……No…… we didn’t……”

She answers haltingly, puffing out her cheeks, sulking.

Touno’s face brightens, saying, “Is that so, is that so?”

“I’ve done it with Kirishima-san. He loves me, so he does it properly.”

“…………”

“There’s no act that conveys love more. You feel the other person with your whole body, deep inside. Only those who’ve experienced it would understand, but it makes you love them so much you can’t stand it. They must feel the same. I’ll say it again—this is something only those who’ve experienced it can understand.”

“…………”

“If you truly love someone, you’d definitely do it. If you didn’t…… maybe they didn’t feel that way about you. If you love someone, it’s something you absolutely do.”

“…………”

Hayasaka-san falls silent. Her bangs hide her expression, and I wonder if this is okay. Maybe I should stop Touno. But Hayasaka-san doesn’t try to say anything more.

Instead—

“…………Let’s drink.”

She lifts her head, smiling.

“Huh?”

“Let’s see who can drink more.”

“Fine. Let’s settle who’s stronger. I don’t get drunk from mere alcohol.”

They crack open their cans in unison and start chugging.

“Stop it! That kind of fight is socially unacceptable!”

But the drunken duo won’t stop.

“Touno-san, you blockhead!”

“Hayasaka-san, you dimwit!”

They keep sparking off each other.

“I don’t care anymore!”

I keep drinking in desperation too.

First, Hayasaka-san sways and collapses. Then my head starts throbbing, and my consciousness blacks out.

It went a bit off track, but it was according to plan.

Hayasaka-san and I passed out, bringing things to a close.

I maintained my stance as Touno’s boyfriend, and Hayasaka-san endured it all.

Perfect. All that’s left is to cheer for one more match tomorrow and return to Kyoto. Then there’ll be no more sparks of conflict.

Peace should come—or so I thought. But—

I wake up in the middle of the night. I’m on the bed, under the covers, holding Touno.

Both of us are in our underwear, and Touno’s fervently kissing my neck.

“You’re awake?”

“Uh, what’s the situation here?”

Peeking out from the covers, I see the darkened hotel room. Touno and I are on the bed, while Hayasaka-san is sleeping on a sofa bed nearby, facing away from us.

It seems passing out led to bedtime.

“I could’ve taken the sofa bed……”

“No, Hayasaka-san said she’d take it so we could sleep together as a couple.”

“Okay, but…… what’s this?”

Touno, still in her underwear, keeps pressing heated kisses on me, our skin touching, clearly in that mood.

“We’re a couple, so it’s natural to want this. We were so close earlier.”

“But—”

I glance at Hayasaka-san again. She’s still facing away.

“It’s fine. She’s fast asleep.”

Touno presses her alcohol-flushed body even closer.

“We’re a couple, so we can do this, right? We will, right?”

Then, lowering her face to hide her expression, she says in a lonely tone,

“Or…… do you not want to with me? Is it because of you and Hayasaka-san—”

Touno lets out a soft cry.

I’d pulled her into a tight embrace.

“Kirishima-san……”

Touno’s voice is sweet.

That’s right. Touno’s instability is because of me and Hayasaka-san. If this can ease the anxiety sparked by the mountain incident, I should do whatever I can.

I stroke Touno’s back, returning her kiss.

“Kirishima-san…… I’m so happy……”

Touno’s body trembles, fully heated, her skin warm and damp.

I’m groping my current girlfriend right beside my high school girlfriend, who’s sleeping.

If Touno wants this, if this act can erase her rivalry with Hayasaka-san……

“Touno, uh, I don’t have any protection.”

At that, Touno’s face clouds with anxiety.

“……It’s fine…… I don’t mind…… just at the end……”

“……Alright, let’s do it.”

Touno’s expression shifts to one of anticipation over shyness.

“……I hear it feels even more intimate without it. I’ll love you even more, and I want you to love me more too.”

I nod and hold her tightly.

“Ah, Kirishima-san—”

Touno, already caught up in it, clings to me, letting out soft sounds.

“Touno, your voice—”

“But—”

I glance at Hayasaka-san. She’s still facing away.

“Kirishima-san…… I’m…… probably okay now…… I love you so much…… I want you now……”

Touno presses herself closer, blushing but eager, letting out small moans.

“I’ll…… make you feel good, Kirishima-san……”

Touno climbs on top, kissing me passionately. Her chest brushes against my skin, and as she presses closer, she reaches a peak.

“Ngh, Kirishima-san—mm!”

With sweet breaths, she kisses my ears, neck, chest, stomach—

Normally, this would lead to that act. But—

For some reason, my body isn’t responding tonight.

“…………”

Touno pauses for a moment.

“Touno, this is, uh—”

I try to say something, but she cuts me off.

“……It’s the alcohol…… I’ve heard drinking too much can cause this……”

She says it’s okay.

“I’ll take care of it.”

Touno holds me again, pressing her smooth skin against mine, trying to arouse me. Her kisses land on my shoulders and neck. But—

Five, ten minutes pass, and my body still doesn’t respond.

Touno’s eyes cloud over for a moment.

“Sorry, maybe I’m not feeling well tonight—”

“No, it’s fine……”

She forces a smile and says,

“I went to an all-girls high school, so I’ve heard some pretty wild things……”

Then Touno tries what she calls “wild things.”

Pressing her chest against me, using her mouth.

But even then, my body doesn’t respond.

Ten, twenty minutes of her trying, and I want to make it work, but I grow anxious, and what little response there was fades completely.

“Sorry……”

“…………”

Our bodies cool down, the heat gone.

We fall silent, holding each other, trying to sleep. But I can’t sleep, and Touno’s just lying there with her eyes closed.

In my arms, she murmurs softly.

If you love someone, you should be able to do it. We have to. If we can’t, it’s a lie…… If we can’t…… I’m nothing compared to Hayasaka-san……

The next morning, as Touno heads to pre-match practice, Hayasaka-san and I leave the hotel room with her.

“I’ll come cheer during the match.”

When I say that, Touno nods brightly, “Okay!” as if last night never happened.

But she doesn’t meet Hayasaka-san’s eyes once.

Hayasaka-san and I part ways in front of the hotel.

“I promised Fukuda-kun I’d show him around Tokyo……”

She starts to say something else but stops and leaves.

It’s clear she was awake last night. She knows what happened. Naturally, Touno knew that from the start.

This was supposed to be the future:

Touno does what Hayasaka-san never did, right beside her, regaining confidence as my girlfriend and solidifying our Kyoto relationships.

But we couldn’t. What does that mean?

With no plans until Touno’s match, I board a train aimlessly, get off at a random station, and wander.

My thoughts keep circling back to Touno.

Last night’s failure feels catastrophic.

Touno wanted to find something she had over Hayasaka-san. She found it in that drunken showdown. But when we tried, we couldn’t.

If you truly love someone, you’d definitely do it. If you didn’t…… maybe they didn’t feel that way about you. If you love someone, it’s something you absolutely do.

Touno had said that to Hayasaka-san. Now those words have come back to haunt her.

Because of me……

If you love someone, you should be able to do it……

I recall Touno’s hollow murmur in my arms last night.

This morning, she put on a bright face.

But inside, she must be even more unstable now.

Why does it always end up like this?

Why does it never quite work out, even at the last moment?

What’s the cause—

Lost in thought, I find myself at Zoshigaya Cemetery.

A graveyard where historical figures and cultural icons rest.

There’s no way the answers I seek are here. The dead can’t teach me anything.

Yet, I’m drawn here somehow.

The sunlight is bright, and despite being a cemetery, it feels refreshing. Maybe because so many tourists visit the famous graves.

I keep walking and reach the tomb of the great writer, Natsume Soseki.

A familiar girl stands in front of the gravestone.

Short hair, a refined posture.

No mistake. She’s grown up a bit, but her vibe is unchanged.

In our high school classroom, she wore her bangs down and plain glasses, blending in. But outside school, she was freer in love than anyone—

Sakai Aya is standing there.

Our first reunion in ages.

I stand frozen, locking eyes with Sakai.

Memories and emotions from high school flood my chest.

Tokyo me, Kyoto me, high school Sakai, college Sakai—a mix of freshness and nostalgia swirls within.

With all those feelings, I call out to Sakai.

But—

Sakai looks at my face, tilts her head, and says,

“Huh, who are you?”

 

♢♢♢

 

Sakai told me at a café in Gokokuji that she’s studying literature at a Tokyo university. We’d moved there since talking in a cemetery felt odd. Apparently, she’d gone to Zoshigaya Cemetery because, as a literature major, she figured she should at least visit some literary giants’ graves. And that’s where we reunited.

“I didn’t recognize you without your glasses.”

“My existence is……”

I mean, you’re wearing a kimono and tall geta, Sakai says.

“Aren’t you leaning too hard into the ‘degenerate Kyoto student’ vibe? It’s a bit theatrical.”

“You’re as merciless as ever.”

Sakai knew I’d gone to Kyoto. I’d reported my university plans to our high school, and word gets around.

“You left heartbroken me alone, huh?”

“No, I don’t exactly keep in touch with a random classmate who went to a far-off university.”

“…………”

Sakai really hasn’t changed. But if there’s something different, it’s the motorcycle outside the café. A 250cc Suzuki. She got her license when she started university.

I love the feeling of going anywhere freely.

She’d said that while giving me a ride here. Cars can be inconvenient in central Tokyo.

“Have you seen Maki?”

When I ask, Sakai says, Occasionally. Maki Shouta, our student council president.

“He’s still with Miki-chan, apparently.”

“They were pretty good together.”

We had the kind of catch-up you’d expect with an old friend. Classmates, Sakai’s recent life—everyone’s got their joys, growth, worries, and problems.

As we talked, empty cups were refilled with coffee twice, and we ordered sandwiches when we got peckish. And then—

“Alright, let’s hear about you, Kirishima.”

Sakai says with a look like she’s been waiting for this.

“What’s up with Akane and the others? It’s not like things stayed the same, right? Not with that face you’re making.”

“You always show up when I’m struggling, Sakai.”

“Maybe that’s just the kind of relationship we have.”

She appears like the Southern Cross when I’m lost. Sometimes she helps, sometimes she says something devastating.

I told her about my life in Kyoto. Sakai listened without much reaction. By the time I finished, her cup was empty, and my coffee had gone cold.

“Hmm.”

After hearing me out, Sakai speaks.

“So, are you really fitting in?”

“Huh?”

“The kimono, the geta, quoting Erich Fromm.”

“I…… think I’m fitting in……”

“If you say so. I was just surprised because the guy who read Fitzgerald and acted like Gatsby suddenly showed up in traditional clothes. You used to quote Dazai, saying stuff like the world is you, but now you’re all about being a giver. You’ve mellowed out a lot.”

“A lot’s happened.”

“Yeah, people change like that, don’t they?”

I started riding a motorcycle too, Sakai says.

“Joining the literature department makes you lean into that vibe.”

“Like visiting Natsume Soseki’s grave.”

“Exactly. If I’d gone into science, I’d probably be rocking a lab coat.”

“I probably did the same.”

People are influenced by their environment and affiliations; experiences shape values.

But, Sakai says,

“Is everything decided by environment? Can you just decide to steer yourself in a certain direction and control it? If you align with what’s socially ‘right’ and it buries something innate, can you keep going like that? Won’t cracks and contradictions form?”

“Sakai, what are you—”

“I’ve got a part-time job, so I’ll keep this short.”

With that, Sakai leans across the table.

“Let’s kiss.”

“Hey.”

“You get it, right?”

She’s right—I know what she’s doing.

So, I kiss Sakai.

“How was it?”

“Same…… as back in high school.”

Back then, I kissed Sakai once. It felt different from kissing Hayasaka-san or Tachibana-san. And that difference hasn’t changed.

Sakai is beautiful, an attractive girl.

But kissing her doesn’t stir the same excitement or longing I feel with Hayasaka-san or Tachibana-san. It’s just the fact of our lips touching.

“A kiss only feels special when the person is special, right? Not just kissing, but everything in love.”

Sakai looks at me as she says this.

“You couldn’t do it with Touno-san at first.”

“……Yeah.”

“That means……”

Sakai, as always, speaks neutrally, just saying what she thinks.

“Touno-san isn’t someone special to you, Kirishima. Is she?”

 

♢♢♢

 

After parting with Sakai, I wandered around Tokyo.

Her words hit harder than I expected.

Touno isn’t special to me. That’s why all these problems are happening.

And the one who is special—

Before I know it, I’ve walked from Koishikawa to Sarugakucho, Jinbocho, Ogawamachi, across Manseibashi, to Hongou, Masagocho, and Yanagicho.

What am I doing? I need to cheer for Touno. With that thought, I head to the sports complex for the second day’s match.

As expected, the cheers feel distant. Touno wins effortlessly.

Afterward, we all head to the station to return to Kyoto.

On the surface, everyone’s smiling, buying souvenirs, picking snacks for the shinkansen. But beneath, cracks are forming.

Is it because Touno and I aren’t meshing?

Even if you choose logically or think it’s the right thing, is there an innate compatibility or impossibility in love that can’t be overcome?

If so, what can I do now?

While I’m lost in thought, Touno and Hayasaka-san get into a tense moment on the station platform.

It started when Hayasaka-san had slip of mouth and said,

“Kirishima-kun, no katsu sandwich? You said you always want one when you ride the shinkansen.”

That was something Touno didn’t know.

It’s our first time riding the shinkansen together, though it’s possible I mentioned it in casual conversation. But Touno reacts immediately.

“Again?”

She continues with a dark expression.

“You always act like you know everything about Kirishima-san……”

“S-sorry, I didn’t mean it like that—”

“You’re Kirishima-san’s ex, right? The bad person who made him shut himself in his room. And now you’re dragging him down again……”

“Touno—”

“Kirishima-san, be quiet.”

Touno turns to Fukuda-kun.

“Fukuda-san, you should absolutely steer clear of a woman like her.”

And to Hayasaka-san, she says, You’re banned.

“Don’t come to Kyoto anymore. Don’t see Kirishima-san or Fukuda-san. Kyoto is our place.”

That’s a bad move.

Hayasaka-san will probably stay away. But Fukuda-kun has already accepted everything about her.

To prove his resolve, he’ll transfer to her university and likely never return to Kyoto.

The Kyoto we all wanted to protect is crumbling.

Fukuda-kun stays silent, his face grim.

Daidouji-san closes his eyes, arms crossed, like he’s deep in thought during a shogi match. He’s probably trying to come up with a solution, but Daidouji-san’s long deliberations take forever.

Miyamae is panicking.

Hamanami is crying, “Uuu, uuu.”

This is bad—I have to do something, I think, when—

“Sorry.”

A cool voice cuts through the heavy air.

It’s Tachibana-san.

Tachibana-san faces Touno.

“Shirou-kun’s ex is me. So it’s all my fault. Sorry for staying quiet.”

And, she says, she’s leaving Kyoto for good.